The Best Valentine’s Day Flowers and Bouquets (for Hot People)

Weary traveler, welcome. We know you’re into the classics when it comes to Valentine’s Day—you’re in the floral aisle, for goddess’ sake—and we respect that. That tells us you’re an intentional gifter who wants their presents to arrive on time, and you stick with the original plot of the V-Day movie: FLOWERS. And before you ho-hum us, yes, we know this is just another holiday invented by Hallmark to make horse girls and donkey boys extra happy. That being said, embrace it! Valentine’s Day is our favorite corporate kink, because it’s not just a holiday about expressing love; it’s a holiday about absolutely fawning over the object of your affection, and turning up the appreciation dial for your relationships with a lover, mother, brother, or a BFF who needs to be reminded of how much you love them.

The following Valentin’s Day flowers and bouquets are for everyone, from the jerky lover and the sausage slinger to the gothic babe and your cottagecore friend. Whether you’re going for something understated and chic—or going for something truly unhinged—here are the best Valentine’s Day flowers and arrangements for saying, “I’m obsessed with you.”

You just started dating

This bouquet is designed for situationships

What kind of V-Day bouquet do you buy when things aren’t that serious, but they also kind of are? But it’s also… not? Instead adding another clause to your dating life, buy a bouquet that is quite literally designed for situationships. This arrangement from Urban Stems is a beautiful, yet casual arrangement of pale roses, veronica, mums, thistle, eucalyptus and more wild stems that say, I like you so much, even if I can’t spell your last name.

Elite varietals

Your beau isn’t like other girls—she likes roses, but only artisanal, garden varieties. Luckily, Grace Rose Farm offers heritage blooms that have a more rustic and relaxed look, including Spray Garden Roses, Japanese, Dutch, German, and more.

Blushing snapdragons

… For your blushing snapdragon, right? We’re going to stop ourselves there to avoid getting the (self-inflicting) ick, and make way for this stunner of a bouquet from Ode à la Rose that features snapdragons, acacia, and Italian ruscus.

Red roses slap every time

People who say they don’t like to get showered in red roses are liars, charlatans, and sexy little snakes who need a spanking. Who doesn’t love the drama of crimson petals? This move is a classic for a reason, and [clears throat in Hoobastank] the reason is YOU. We love these classic long-stemmed babies from 1-800-Flowers, this elegant arrangement from Urban Stems, and these roses accented with alstroemeria from Bouqs, which is offering 25% off with the code BOUQSDAY right now.

They’re cottagecore

Nothing says “I have extra sourdough starter” more than ranunculus, the flower of choice for lowkey romantics, cottagecore babes, and weekend witches, as the flower first grew in mirky, swampy areas—not unlike your love.

If she’s most at-home in her garden, an arrangement that’s gonna be dead in a week probably isn’t her jam—a potted gardenia plant in a wicker basket on the other hand, that’s symbolic of how your love will never perish.

Mixed roses and flowers, because you’re different

The rainbow connection

Not ready for the red rose moment? That’s OK, The Bachelor mansion pretty much has a monopoly on red rose petals, anyway. A blend of colorful roses feels a lot more playful than Dracula red.

An epic bouquet of 100 roses

The bouquet to end all bouquets, baby. This showstopper floral arrangement is composed of 100 colorful roses fit for a king/queen/Barbra Streisand.

Dried flowers are the new move

Don’t worry, these bouquets of dried flowers will outlive your relationship! Plus, you don’t have to worry about changing their water. Urban Stems makes some of the most unconventional dried bouquets out there with violet, purple, and red color schemes that are filled with pampas, eucalyptus, and other earthy garnishes worthy of a love that would make all the dinos in Jurassic Park take notice. The stems for the Juneau and Suri bouquets must have been sourced from the Cretaceous period:

There are also some incredible dried bouquets at Bouqs that take inspiration from everything from crystals to folklore in their namesakes, and include rugged pampas, eucalyptus, loofahs and more. The terracotta captured our heart with its copper-hued blend of flowers:

Embrace full V-Day kitsch

Fluffy bears, fake diamonds, and gregarious displays of affection? Valentine’s Day is haute camp, so why not embrace the urge to ooze romance on the one day of the year you can really get away with it? A single, encased rose is perfect for your torrid affair with the Disney Adult widow next door:

Speaking of some classic romance that’s always music to our ears, did you know that saxy daddi Kenny G’s favorite flowers are always all-white roses? He told us so himself, along with his ideal romantic gift-giving itinerary.

Do you and your lover both kind of secretly know that their dog holds rank in the relationship? Gift them a floral sculpture of a dog to let them understand that you get it, and love them anyway. Also, are you OK?

The most unique V-Day bouquets

Leave them truly speechless

Whoever came into the Send Flowers board meeting with this one deserves to have their face printed on money. What is it about this single sunflower that gives us so much joy? Is it the coy, knowing smile? The Steve Buscemi eyes? The humble allure of a sparkling mason jar? Sunflower Friend is kind, yet bold. It is Baby, and it’s the perfect V-Day gift.

Felt flowers for mom

There’s something about these that says, “Hi, I’m Shelley Duvall.” Plus, felt flowers are a sweet departure from the gazillion other flowers your mother or mother-figure has received in their life.

You’re a deranged beast

HOT! Don’t worry, Garfield Bouquet won’t hurt you. Garfield Bouquet will just braid your hair in your sleep, and give you the love you really deserve. Mee-ow.

Your partner is an engineer

There are some pretty sick adult LEGOs out there these days, including this kit of roses that y’all can erect on a cozy Valentine’s Day night in with a bottle of natural wine and some heart-shaped pizza. This kit has a 4.8-star average rating on Amazon, where a bunch—or rather, bouquet—of reviewers say that it’s easy to assemble, and looks really sweet.

The best bouquets for the food-obsessed boo

You can’t beat this meat

These are not technically flowers, but Mami Salami needs another saucisson to sweep her off her toesies, and this meaty bouquet is perfect for the job. This beef jerky bouquet is perfect for the Tony Soprano (or mob wife) in your life.

Alternatively, you could blow their minds with this “you had me at charcuterie” bouquet. Who said capitalism doesn’t breed innovation?

Edible Arrangements will outlive us all

Have you ever actually seen someone enter an Edible Arrangements establishment? It’s the OG, man. There’s one in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that has even weathered the pandemic, and we’ve never seen a soul slip in or out. Anyways. Edible Arrangements is a 90s icon of gift baskets and bouquets that clearly knows what’s up, and it has mastered the perfect fruit-to-chocolate ratio in their bouquets. Who else is making pineapple butterflies? Exactly.

Long live Snickers dick veins

Ah, yes. Nothing satisfies our hunger for sugar, or for love, quite like a big, veiny bouquet of Snickers bars. V-Day perfection.

Happy V-Day, you softie!

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The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.