Linux Backup Image Troubleshooting & Training

Objective: I am looking to hire a Linux Pro to help me create a manageable, and repeatable process, for creating backup images of my Ubuntu 24 system. Background: I am on the verge of breaking my laptop over my knee and moving to the woods and never touching a digital device again, so obviously I have lost my patience with searching for solutions to my issues or talking to dumb-ass AI's. or finding/attempting many "solutions" on the Linux forums. I just want to pay someone to develop a plan and then teach me the process needed to create a backup image working around my constraints and be fucking done with it so I can start to do more than install flatpaks and snaps without fear of not having a backup image to fall back on when I f-up my Ubuntu install, which is a freaking given and has already happened more times than I have hair on my head left. Constraints: - I am new to Linux/Ubuntu and hate it, but would rather move to the woods and wear dead animals before I go back to Windows. I have tried Apple and would rather spend my time chewing my nuts off my own body than use their OS for a single minute more - I only have one USB drive on my laptop and don't want to use a hub if at all possible (full-time international traveler and picky about the gear I pay to put on a plane) - I only have one HD on my laptop and no slot for a second -Clonezilla Live, stable or alternative, does not contain the firmware for my wireless NIC - Intel -Not wanting to pay for any more cloud-storage than I already do, or increase the cost of any - gDrive f/Workspaces, 365 SharePoint/OneDrive (but I want to stop giving Microsoft money soon adjacent), Google Cloud Console but only $FREE.99 solutions within, AWS Free Tier but willing to spend single-digit value each month Failed Attempts: - Using 2 partitions on the HD - gparted, while booted into the Clonezilla Live USB, would not let me change the sizes of the 2 partitions, which I understand is required to backup and restore because Clonezilla doesn't like to big to small clones - multiple approaches to get gparted to allow me to resize all failed, shit is locked down hard and honestly I prefer to use cloud storage and retrieval if possible -Using a network location in Clonezilla (gdrive via rclone OR AWS S3) - NIC needs installing first. --Placing NIC firmware on USB for install ---Placing firmware deb file within the USB partition containing Clonezilla - Any solution to create the Clonezilla Live boot media results in the USB being locked and impossible to add files to Partitioning the USB drive - The partition containing the firmware deb file is un-mountable, with all my attempts, while booted into Clonezilla Live partition ---Using Ventoy - While booted into Clonezilla Live, via Ventoy, the firmware deb file does not exist on the USB, even though it does. I cannot figure out how to install it then boot into Clonezilla Live from Ventoy and it be recognized by Clonezilla --Using Rescuezilla - Supposedly based on Clonezilla but natively contains the NIC firmware (wtf!? how!? never mind, f-it) but does not allow for simple AWS S3 storage (whyTF?, never mind, f-it). Using SSH to an EC2 w/storage is a possible, and I just manually move the images back and forth between that and a free solution so the cost of EC2 w/storage is minimal, but setting all this up feels retarded, there has to be a better plan. Specs: Operating system and version: Ubuntu 24.04.1 LTS Hardware: Samsung Galaxy Book Pro NP950XDB Desired Plan: A method to install the NIC firmware so I can use gdrive/rclone OR S3 in Clonezilla Live or A method to use SSH in Rescuezilla for anything simpler, but still free adjacent, than an EC2 w/storage Future Desires to Consider: I desire to use the image in a VM - so plans that account for simplicity in that regard will be given a freaking gold star and potentially save my nuts from future devouring If you want the task: Include your overall plan & total cost for your assistance