Making child arrangements if you divorce or separate

Skip contents

Get help agreeing

A mediator can help you and your ex-partner agree on child arrangements, without taking sides.

Mediation is not relationship counselling. It can help you agree on the details of how you’ll look after your children, such as:

  • where they live
  • when they spend time with each parent
  • when and what other types of contact take place (phone calls, for example)
  • child maintenance payments

Find a local mediator.

The price of mediation will vary depending on where you live and how many sessions you go to. 

You may be able to get up to £500 towards the cost of mediation through the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme.

You might also be able to get legal aid for mediation if you’re on a low income.

At the end of mediation you’ll get a document showing what you agreed. This agreement is not legally binding. You can make it legally binding by getting a solicitor to draft a consent order for a court to approve after mediation.

The mediator can decide mediation is not right for you (for example, if there’s been domestic abuse and you need to go to court instead).

If you need more help agreeing

You can get help with preparing to make arrangements and reaching an agreement.

You can also:

If you do not agree on everything

You can ask a court to decide on anything you have not already agreed.

You must show you’ve attended a meeting to see if mediation is right for you before applying to a court. You will not have to go in certain cases, for example if there’s been domestic abuse or social services are involved.

View a printable version of the whole guide

Part of Get a divorce: step by step

  1. Step 1 Get support and advice

    You can get support or counselling to help you through the divorce process.

    1. Get support and advice from Relate
    2. Find a counsellor on Counselling Directory

  2. Step 2 Check if you can get divorced

    1. Check if you can get a divorce
    2. Get legal advice if you want help with the divorce process

  3. Step 3 Make arrangements for children, money and property

    1. Make arrangements for your children
    2. Divide your money and property
    3. Check if your divorce will affect whether you can live in your current home

  4. Step 4 Apply for a divorce

    1. Apply for a divorce online or by post £593
    2. Get help with court fees
    3. Get legal advice
    4. Get help if your husband or wife cannot make decisions for themselves

  5. Step 5 Apply for a ‘conditional order’ or ‘decree nisi’

    1. Apply for a ‘conditional order’ or 'decree nisi'

  6. Step 6 Finalise your divorce

    1. Apply for a ‘final order’ or 'decree absolute'

  7. Step 7 Report that your circumstances have changed

    You also have to tell other government organisations that you're getting divorced if: