TimeyKia

_________________________________________

next day after I got my license and vehicle legal document,

I went back home and start packing my stuff into a big rucksack

by moving important stuff for work to my apartment
and personal belonging back to my grandma house,

each trip took me around 3 – 4 hours ride back and forth
between the city and my grandma house,

my back and my butt hurt so bad
because I have to carry such a weight on my back for a long time,

but it’s my final sprint away from my family hell hole,
so I fought the pain and continue doing this alone for several days,

wake up, pack stuff, hit the road,
come back, pack stuff, hit the road,
come back pack stuff, hit the road,
come back, sleep…
repeat in the next day,


and one day…
my boss noticed the absent of me
that happened more than usual

so he called me and ask what happened,

I told him everything about me getting kicked off the house
and the situation of my family,

and for some reason,
he know the fucking hag thanks to her ego
plus how big mouth and piece of shit she is… so...

Boss:
“get your friends, take 2 pick-up trucks, go get the rest of your stuff and get the fuck out of there”

just like that…
me and 2 of my buddies drive back to my house
and park the car in front of both of our houses,

the moment I stepped off the car
the fucking hag walked to me

but she immediately turned 180 back to her house and lock herself inside
when my buddies stepped off the car and followed me,

I told my buddies to wait at the car because my house is way too hot…

like I said on the previous Ep.
“I stay in the house with the room temperature that stay around 42c – 50c almost 2 decades”

to top that off…
in that exact day,

South East Asian was getting grilled in record high,
so the thermometer in my room hit max at 55c,

I was sitting inside that room packing my stuff alone
and moving heavy stuff for from 2nd floor to the pick-up truck,

my throat feels like a sand paper rubbing each other,
and I don’t have water with me
so I just fought myself though the heat with the same mindset
“it’s my final sprint”

nearly 4 hours later,
I walked down the 2nd floor with the last garbage bag
that has my stuff inside and walked to the car,

I have to left so many stuff there
because I don’t want to fill the pick-up truck way too high
since we don’t have anything to do a proper cover and secure them,

just like that
I check everything then and locked the house
and leave the key and get the fuck out of there,

while the fucking hag still on the phone
talking shit about me loudly on how good of an angel she is
when treating me but I ended up betrayed her
to… whatever unfortunate soul at the end of that line
that need to listen to her lies…

during travel we stopped to have lunch at the local restaurant
because we didn’t eat anything since morning
and I was dying for water at the moment,

we went inside the restaurant and I was like…
“go ahead order as much as you like, I’ll pay anything”

because I was so happy that I’m finally out but…
my friends was like…
sunk into deep depression because they never see something like this before,
not in front of them at least,

due to both of them came from a regular warm family,
so seeing me on the situation with my family make them feel like shit,

and they was like…
“No, no, you went through enough”,

at the end we had one menu each person
and continue on our way…

after everything stored inside the empty bedroom at my grandma house
I came back on the next day to unpacked and organized stuff

it took several days
but I finally got my own room to sleep when I come back to visit her during the weekend

as for my apartment
things was empty but it’s not difference from where I used to live
months after months, I slowly turn that empty room
into my most comfortable place in the world
it's not luxury, it's not amazingly good looking...

but it's what I did for myself
and just myself alone

on top of that...


this fucking born loser is finally free.

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

Driving in the city that has the high record of fatal accident feels like playing MOBA,

the moment you hit the road,
everybody expect the perfection from you,

and you also have that side of the road
where people gives zero fucks about the traffic law
to the point that they believe that they always in the right all the time.

there are 2 ways I can get the license,

first is...
going to the driving school
which they are in another district
about 1 hour drive or below
depending on the mercy of the traffic that day,

the second one is...
going to the Department of land transport directly
about 1 hour or more depending on the traffic
if I feel confident in my skill and the knowledge about traffic law enough…
which... I'm not good at it yet...
and I literally mean the knowledge on the law,
not just typical street sign or common sense

So I choose to go to the driving school just to be safe

I rode my bike to the highway
getting myself countless near missed with the dare devil pick-up delivery trucks
getting wind blast with 10 wheeler trucks
dodge the countless of potholes and people who drive in a wrong side on the road,

still...
I managed to get myself to the driving school,
I signed myself up
and need to come back later for 2 days class,

during that time I continue practicing handling the bike in different situation,
learning about take position and maneuver myself during heavy traffic,

emergency slow down, and dodging obstacle in a close range, etc..

until the day of driving school arrived,
I went there and get in the class,

I found myself that I was the oldest guy in the class
because majority of them was like… 18 or mid 20 or something….

on the first day we learn about basic stuff
like... traffic signs and a fuck ton on rule of safety,

then all of us start the riding exercise using school motorcycle
that modified with extra light in the front
to tell when you hit either hand or foot break,

and then…
our first riding test…

1st station: Staying on a small platform

this one you have to stable your bike
on a 30 centimeters by 15 meters platform
for more than 10 second using 2nd gear
without hitting any break and fall off the platform
and don’t let your feet touch the ground…

sound simple enough
but this station is the hardest one for me,
I failed this station alone 5 times
and finally got it right after,

if this were the test inside Department of land transport,
they will tell me to go back home
and come back again in next 3 days,

this can be continue for 3 months (I think?) in case of more failing occurred,
after that you will be start from the very beginning of the program,

but I was short on time and I need license
before I’m getting kick off the house

so… I was lucky that I managed to do that on the 6th tried in driving school
instead of 18 days inside Department of land transport,

and yes… majority of my classmate managed to passed the test
in a couple tries...

2nd station: Crossing obstacles

this station required you to ride a bike on a 2nd gear
and go over multiple obstacles
that look like a bigger taller and square speed bump
without hitting any break,
and don’t let your feet touch the ground
while keep your butt stick to the seat all the time
AND keep your bike in the center area all the way to the finish line…

this one is easy for me because if you ride a bicycle for a long time,
you will learn how to use your legs as suspension
to balance your body every time your bike jump,
I be able to clear this station on the first try,

and for some reason
this station alone managed to make a lot of the classmate do a multiple run on it
because some of them can’t control the speed when climbing
then over accelerated
to the point of them getting their butt lunched off the seat when the bike jump
then fall back down and lose control off the center area,
people who deal with potholes street often will run pass this station like nothing…

3rd station: Slalom

same deal…
2nd gear, no break, no foot touching the ground
but with face looking forward and not the ground while zig zagging

4th station: Full course ride

this one is as close as your typical daily ride,
it’s a course that filled with traffic sign and signal that you have to follow,

but you didn’t ride alone,
you are riding along with other classmate like a train for several laps,
if you can do that without hiccup,

congratulations,
you are passed the field test…

after that…
there are more indoor study about the law
which is harder than the one we study in the morning,

because you gonna need to remember all source of number
and something that related about cars more than motorcycle
due to the question will came directly from the Department of land transport themselves
via the internet when you do the test,

so the school give us a couple links,
first one being what we need to read,
and the second one is for a practicing test that you can do over and over
to see how many score you get before the real test,

just like that…
the first day ended…
I go back home and realized my bike the turning light is dead
it's late at night and not a single garage shop open at this time

so I have to go to the driving school tomorrow in super early morning
to avoid heavy traffic during rush hours
and find someone who can fix the turning light inside that district before I go back home…

in the next early morning
after I find the garage to fix the turning light in that district
and getting yelled at because I came way too early
I pay the money and politely apologize and fuck myself out from there

then continue going to the driving school
and I do nothing but sitting alone in the park
and repeat the practicing test on my phone over and over,

lots of failed, lots of passed,
some barely made it, some nearly 100%

just in case if you are wondering…

there are 50 questions inside the test…
and you have to passed 45 of them within 1 hour

the test will separate into 3 topic…
common sense, traffic sign and... the traffic law…

every single one of the question and order will be random…
I don’t have much of a problem with common sense and traffic sign,

but the law one will kill me
because I don’t have the knowledge about cars
or the specific number according in the law book...

but guess what…
Kia's Test Results : 50 / 50

I’m not gonna take the credit on how good I am
but I will count this as pure luck
of having small number on the Law related questions
and got the one that I actually member,

later that evening I got the approval paper from the school
and I need to give this to the Department of land transport
to get my license card tomorrow

I hope they don't have the police check point in that day
because my wallet is sitting on the thin line
between me being broke and me being survived for another week
every tickets, every fine, every money I might lost to the police would hurt me
badly...

So I did the same thing on the next day...

I wake up before the sun rise
and go to the Department of land transport
before the police show up...
.

.

.
then I wait...
.

.

.
an hour later


Staff: "please, Look at the camera and stay still alright ?"

3.

2.

1.

*click*
.

.

.

.

.

.
.
let’s get out of here…

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

February….
2 months late after the promise that she’ll return my money,

the hag finally showed up to give the money back to me,

It’s late but still better than what she usually does,
sometimes it would take half a year for her to return the money,

It’s not like she really doesn’t have money or anything
because the packages from the online shopping app
are delivered to their house every week,

I check the money and realize she returned
just under $440 (~15000 baht) instead of 580$ (~20000 baht)

where is the rest of them gone to...?

She said she used that to pay utility bills…

"Bullshit!!"

I’m the one who has been taking care of
both houses utilities bills and maintenance bills,

Each month I usually pay the bill around $75,
and there’s no mortgage left anymore,
so she doesn’t have any excuse left this time,

so… I yelled..

"GIVE IT BACK!!"
.

.

.
She’s pissed….
.

.

.

Oh… she’s fucking pissed…
.

.

.

She’s stomped back to her house to get my $140 (~5000 baht) back,
then she’s walked to my dad and tell him
that she’s want to cut the utilities on my house off at the end of this month…

and fucking dad said

“Sure, do it”

I’m so done…

all of those hard works I did,
every help I can provide since high school all the way to mid-30,
those were nothing in their eyes,

I stay in the house with the room temperature
that stay around 42c – 50c almost 2 decades
with just my work uniform, mattress, Kettle, bicycle and my laptop,
no TV, no refrigerator no air conditioner, no car,

I never drink, never go out unwind myself at night,
never cause problems,

YET, none of those matter…

they got what they want…
it always been a house,
not me…

So I started searching for a small apartment
and found the one with 5 by 5 meters room
with indoor motorcycle parking,
coin washing machine
and free internet
a little bit further into a different district,

the rent is around $62 (~2200 baht)
utilities price based on apartment price rate,

it’s quiet but the room is not THAT sound proof
so you have to hope the guy next room respect the apartment rules
and keep things quiet,

and the other one I found is an actual townhome
with $44 (~1500 baht) per month
with utilities price based on normal home price rate,

but they don’t have anything,
no furniture, no internet,
and you have to deal with heavy traffic during rush hours every day,

too bad that townhome is not available until next month
so… that 5 by 5 meters room will be my choice…

now the apartment is off the list…

how am I gonna move my stuff,
I don’t have any vehicle…

am I need to buy a car ?
I don’t even know how to drive the damn thing…

the alleyway to the apartment is just under 3 meters wide,
not so much room to work with for a newbie like me,

I have to think about the maintenance cost as well
since $600 probably barely enough to get me old second handed car,

and it will definitely broke down after sometime,
the fixing cost will be troublesome,

not to mention my city is on the top 10 most fatal accident on the road too

but…
I do ride a lot of bicycle,
for 3 decades to be more correct,

my cycling skill should be able to transform
into a motorcycle riding skill without problem,

“yes, I think I can handle motorcycle”

just like that I search for a second handed bike on the internet
and found this beauty…

Introducing
the red and white 2013 HONDA Dream110i Super Cub…
$730 (~25000 baht)

“FUCK!!"
“I need to borrow more money”

and I did exactly that
because the other bikes show up
in the online market place during that time was like…
$1400+ (~48000+ baht)

and the seller just posted this one an hour ago,
so… I called the seller to make an appointment,
and asked my co-worker to take me there with the pick-up truck,
he told us to wait in the temple where he kept that bike,

we went there and wait for a couple hours
since the seller was not there when we arrived,

but…
we saw the bike alright,
it looks as good as in the photos,

soon after
he arrived from having massaged somewhere,
we immediately sign the legal paper and do the payment,
and lifted the bike on the back of the pick-up truck and drove off
to parked the bike at my workplace,
because I don’t want my family to see it,

every late night of that week,
I ride my bicycle from my home to the workplace
and practicing riding motorcycle alone,
and I smoke my engine on the first night because
I was riding it on a low gear all the time as I want to go slow…

here’s the thing,

when you at the low gear,
the engine working cycle will be hitting at maximum cycle very fast,
you can hear this thing make a high pitch noise,

even if I ride around 20 kmph in 2nd gear,
the engine will work as hard as I go full 160 kmph on the 4th gear,

what you should do on the first place was,
you gently hit the max engine cycle on the first 2 gear

then go for 3rd or 4th gear
depending on the distance

and control speed by the throttle instead,
either you slowing down or going faster
until you hit the traffic to full stop,

then repeat like this all the way,

and I didn’t know about that
so I ride this thing like it’s an automatic gear system,

not to mention about a number of problems
that came with the bike on the first place
due to how old this bike is,

the outside looks brand-new
but the inside still 2013 original just getting fixed and refurbished,

so within that first week,
so many breakdown and weird stuff happened,
I went to the garage shop nearby work place so often
to point that the owner be able to noticing me and my bike from the distance now,

still he understood this is a 2013 second handed bike
and willing to fix any problem either small or big,

while other bike shop was like yelling at me to death
just because I requested him something more than one
at the moment I noticed something wrong during the fix

still…
at the end of the week my bike LOOKS stable enough,
and my handling skill feeling a bit improved,

it’s time to get the license…

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

I talked with Bill about running away from the house,
since both of our life seems to be going nowhere but down,

and both of us still working for our parents that doesn’t give a shit about us,

To this day we don’t even have our own stuff because whatever we earn
our parents just took it away,

but…
where do we go?

overseas, of course,

but how?

via the government program,

but…
we don’t have much choice at that time,

because the place that available seems to be,
South Korean, and Middle East…

South Korean is a big no-no,
because Thai people doesn’t have good reputation over there…
at all…

due to high illegal immigration specially people who came from my province,
and no, I’m not gonna mention about...
racism or class discrimination on South East Asian people over there
because I don’t know about Korean myself,
so let’s just leave it there…

what about middle east?

yeah, the weather is comfortably hot just like north east of Thailand,
the food is amazing,
income is very high,
jobs over there are similar to what we did in Thailand,
but with one down side…
just one…

A war...

so….
we waited for a while,
then one country shows up on the list after that...

it was Japan…

for me this was a jackpot because Japan is a country I love to go there,
despite not knowing about how toxic their work culture is…

but for Bill…
Japan is never be on his radar
since the guy was more interested on western culture than Asian side,

because of that…
I have a tiny bit of knowledge about Japanese characters in my head,
while Bill has absolute zero idea what’s he getting himself into,
yet we manage to pass the multiple-choice test

because we cheated,

after that it’s just all smooth sailing on health and physical fitness test,
due to those hard work we did,
we got our names on the board,
then we moved to the job training center in Bangkok later,

but…
just the day before we move in the training center,
we have to get some kind of approvement paper from the police
to confirm that we doesn’t have any bad criminal record on our head,

for people who doesn’t have any bad criminal record,
the process probably cost around 30 cent to 60 cent at max

guess how much that police in the Government Employment Office demand from me…

$15...
might not sound much for western people
but that $15 is near minimum wage for 2 days,

I asked why it’s so damn expensive,
since I didn’t have any bad record on my name,

and the police replied...

“Hey, you better be grateful about it because last year the “fee” would be $24, son”.

THAT was just me…
one clean record guy…

now entire building has around 10k people still waiting in the line,
they probably doesn’t have money that much with them to pay the police,

otherwise…
they have to called their family member to send the money to them,
or borrow somebody else,

whatever the method is,
that police is eating good…

oh… he is eating good…

back to the training center…
me and bill carried our heavy rucksack
filled with our belonging to the sleeping area
that people called

“a rat nest”,

it looks exactly like a military barracks
but loud,
cramp,
and messier,

and the locker there has space just enough for a couple clothes and small stuff,

because of that…
we need to keep the rest of our stuffs on the bed,

this is bad because,
if some guy walk pass our bed,
they could just grabbed our stuff and go when we weren’t there,

but again...
I won’t be there to find out because I won’t last long in that training center,

why?
I’ll tell you after this…

but first…
let’s talk about how was the “training” be like…

beside physical exercise
and the understanding in Japanese work culture,
the rest are…

memorizing simple Japanese vocabulary and sentence...
for example on my first night we learn to say…

“yes”,
“no”,
“I understand”,
“I’m sorry”,
“please forgive me”,
“I won’t do that again”,
“is there anything I can make it right”,
et cetera.

You get the ideas, it’s pretty much…
“Master, please fuck me, I’m a bad boy”

No hiragana, No Katakana…
just remember these words and go to work…

later then...
they just throw you a pack of A4 poorly copies of “Minna no Nihongo”,
and expect us to have 100% Japanese nationality in our blood within a second,

it’s stupid yet,
We went through the first night…

not so long after
the anxiety seems to hit the maximum level on Bill’s parents
because they can’t contact him,
so they called me instead,

then my concern hit me…

since Bill is the only guy who work and bring the money to his house,
you bet your ass them losing him will definitely be a problem,

just like when I requested to continue stay in military,
if your parents disapproved,
it’s just ended…

after the phone call with his parents,


I walked to him and say...

“you stay here, I’ll deal with your parents while you gone, then get away from our parents as far as possible, and don’t... even... think about coming back, not even visiting me…”

reminder this is the first night inside the training center…

of course when I walked out in the next morning
some people gonna look at me like a fucking loser,

even if they don’t
my fucking parents sure hell gonna enjoy my failure specially with fucking hag,

after I got myself out of Bangkok,
I was too mad to interact with my own parents,

I came home,
dropped my stuff in my house
then beeline to Bill parents’ house…
and blew the fuck up…

that…
Was the last time I ever stepped into that place and talking with anyone inside that house…
not even when we see each other outside…

I went back to find a job and got one…
then continue working to pay the house mortgage,

continue the cycle that I tried to escape on the first place
because I don’t have any money left when traveling back from Bangkok…

about half years later,
Bill finally passed everything and went to Japan,

I haven’t heard about him since…

Until 3 years later the guy called me on the phone,
he said he’ll come visiting me…

and I said…
“don’t you fucking dare”

he won’t listen…

He said he want to come back to his family and start doing his own business,

Despite me begging him to not come back,
but he did anyway,

worse part is he didn’t come to me first,
he went beeline to his parents’ house without telling me,

AND 1 week later!!
his parents called me on the phone out of nowhere
and ask where’s he gone to,

because they can’t contact him on the phone…
from what I listen to them, it was like...
Bill runaway off the house just like his big brother did…
.
.
.
it… doesn’t make fucking sense…
.
.
.
So I called Bill to ask what happened…
from what Bill told me…

he want to come back home and start doing his own business,

on top of that,
he said he still love everybody in his house,

BUT !!
the money from his saving during his time in Japan for 3 years
was completely gone by his mother,

in… a… single… night…

where she’s spend that money,
nobody fucking know,

the guy devastated form his parents action,
So he packed his stuff and get off the house without telling anybody
not even me…

After I finished the call with him,
I went back to his parents’ house and went full nuclear on them,

and probably by far the worst thing I ever said to my own cousin,
after that we never speak or see at each other again to this day,

And for Bill…

he went to find jobs in Central region of Thailand,

I never contract him for many years…
then, out of nowhere…

He visited me with his brand new car and his wife,

of course...
when I have my younger cousin visiting me like this,
I have to do a warm welcoming...

Me :
“FUCK OFF !!!“
“I told you not to come back”

Bill :
“Yeah, but I’m hungry”

Me : “….you fucking cunt” *chuckle*

That’s the end of Bill's story…

he's pretty much a successful guy now,
he got a house, a wife, a car, and a job that paid 5 times higher than my current income…

I want to end the story right here to leave us on a high note feeling,

but…
reality is not being that kind to me…

During my age at 34 years old,
December 28, just a few days before New Year's Eve…

both of the houses mortgage payments are completely clear off the list…

I feel pretty good,
I was browsing stuff to buy on the internet
you know... anything that make my house feel like an actual house…

but because I don’t have any money left that much
I borrowed people in my office around $600
to use during my time off during New Year
and buy some stuff I really need to use around the house

I walked around the house and started memorizing the list of stuff I could add,

then…
I saw that fucking hag standing in front of my house…

Me: “what do you want"
Hag: "I need money to pay some stuffs"
Me: "Then pay it yourself, I’m done with the mortgage.”

… She got mad

then she’s continued bothering me for quite a long while
it's getting more and more annoyed,
she said she will return this money next month….
Which… is… in a few days…

that’s bull shit,
even you don’t know her you can tell she’s won’t do that,

at the end I handed her $580
because thing getting dragged and went out of control,

plus I’m still exhausted from busy schedule,
So I just want this night to end…

she grabbed the money and go to her house,
then came out with the luggage,
jump into the car with my dad
and they drove off…

I walked back into my house feeling as empty as I always had…
day after day…I was sitting in my empty room listen to sound of people cerebrating outside
and the firework alone throughout the new year…

“fuck this house…”

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

after the funeral
my dad came to have a session with me

since I have job
but we still have an ungodly amount of houses mortgage to deal with,

so he demanded that he wants 80% of my monthly income to help paying the houses...

you bet your ass I would be refuse to him,

the job I got is not an office job,
it’s a minimum wage back breaking heavy lifting labor,
so you know I’m gonna need to save some money for paying the health bill
just in case bad thing happened,

and no Thailand doesn’t have health care on severe incident,
we only have for the low one,

how low you ask?

It’s not even cover a single tooth removal cost kind of low,

but hey…
at least you can have the medicine for free though
if you don’t mind waiting in the line for 5+ hours in the government hospital…

anyway, I managed the negotiation with my dad from 80% down to 50% and 30% several year later since stuffs getting more and more stupidly expensive each years,

THIS won’t be a problem
if the fucking hag didn’t bring the expenses from outside source into the house,

so instead of 3 of us helping to pay the mortgage together,
it’s ended up having me and my dad dealing with the house payment
and that hag dealing with something else that she caused,

sometime my dad did that as well,
so there will be a few month that I have to pay all of my yearly saving
just to cover their fuck up,

it’s getting worse and worse
to the point that THEY don’t have any money left to maintain their house and their cars,

guess who need to pay for the fixing?,

Me of course,

despite having 2 cars and 2 motorcycles,
my dad is the only guy who runs those vehicles,

and on one else can touch them…
at the end...
I don’t have any saving left for myself
at all…

A few years later during my lunchtime just outside my company building,
I have a visitor out of nowhere…
.

.

.
It's Fah….
.

.

.
what the hell ?
How did she be able to find me I have no idea,

but I do talk with her parent from time to time,
so I guess she asked her parent where my workplace is,

she came to me in a sad and tired looking state,
I don’t want to make things worse by asking why she’s with the other guy
so I just stay silent and asking without drilling into specific topic,
.

.

.
“hey... what’s wrong”
.

.
.
she replied that she needs a...
"safe space"
to escape from what she been dealing with at that moment,

I know the language sounds somewhat cryptic,
but it's exactly that in Thai language as well,

I have no idea why she came to me instead of her parents
just in case something serious going on,

still…
I find the apartment and rent a room for her for a couple month
and I don’t want to bring her to my home
because my parent who lives nearby
will definitely make the whole situation far more worse than it usually is...

I found myself bouncing between my home, my workplace, and the apartment for a few weeks,
keeping my eyes on her as much as I can,
buying her every meal and daily use things,

not a single question asked,

but all she said was

“I’m sorry”

few days later she’s started to confessed to me on what’s going on,
but I stop her before she be able to telling everything even further
because I kind of don’t care…

it didn’t take too long for her to become fully recovered
just like a person I used to know,

she’s be able to go to work and visit her parent home
but she still prefer sleeping at the apartment,

as for myself...
I was still in the same schedule…

wake up at my house,
go to the market,
buy breakfast,
go to the apartment and leave her breakfast at the door,
go to work,
come back from work with takeout food for dinner,
go to the apartment and have dinner with her,
go back home,
repeat…

Everything seems to be settled down,
until a month later,
during that weekend
we have another visitor,

after I heard the knock on the door I opened it…
.

.

.
And that’s all I remembered…
.

.

.
because after that moment…

I woke up with the pain and bruise on my face, stomach and back,

I was surrounded by the neighbors and the landlord,

from what the landlord told me on what she saw on the CCTVs was…
a guy came to our room
and he just beat the shit out of me the moment I open the door
then take Fah away,

soon after the police came
and I called Fah to see if she’s not in danger or anything,

but the person who answer the phone was the guy who beat me,

the police tell me to call him out
and make an appointment so they can get him,
I did just that
and we finally got the guy…

not so long after… in the police station…

all 3 of us sitting in front of the police,
the guy in who beat me named Sang

and he said he was Fah “husband”
but they not married yet,
but he count himself as Fah husband though…

I was baffling on the logic of his ownership,
but since Bill's older brother also did the same by having new born baby before marriage,
so I guess it’s make sense to think this kind of people exist but...

still… the consequence on his action need to be dealt with...

According from the law in Thailand on Assaulting Incident,
Sang needs to pay the fine up to 40,000 baht (around $1,163)
or serving jailtime up to 2 years
OR both !!

but in reality,
the police asked him just 500 baht (around $17)
and he’s a free man…

After all the talking and try to understand each other,

you know…
something that we all should have been doing on the first fucking place,

I decided to drop the case
and let him go,

since Fah said that they were in the intimate relationship
far before she met me during college year summer internship,

and Sand didn’t have a stable income each month,
he barely have money to pay the police fine
but not enough to pay my compensation if I were asking any,

also Sang seemed to calm down and regret on what he did
specially after knowing that I didn’t do anything intimate with Fah…
like at all…

deep down I’m still hurt from the inside
because Fah used to tell me that she loves me at one point,
even her parent think that we loves each other,

at the end…
from Sang perspective..
I’m just an outsider…

and Fah choose to go with him over me…

I walked off the police station feeling completely defeated,
then sitting on the side of the street watching cars pass by like a fucking homeless person,

that’s… when my head thought about the second attempt of suicide,
especially seeing all the cars and bikes cut the red light in speed,
.
.

.
“it’s pretty damn tempting to jump in front of them”
.

.

.
I walked to the edge of the walkway
and standing under the traffic light
looking for the car
and ready to jump in front of them
if they gonna cut the light,

I was standing there for hours
and not a single vehicle cutting the light,

probably because they though I’m monitoring the traffic or something
specially when the police station is just behind me…

The sky is getting darker and darker,
I feel like I'm about to break down from everything that didn’t go the way I wanted it to… 

my phone ringing…
and I answered…


“Kia… I’m hungry”

_________________________________________