B
Literature
Beths Drinking Problem - A Rick And Morty Fic Rick Sanchez slouched on the couch in the dimly lit basement, his cold-ridden face adorned with a scowl. The big TV—the beloved crown jewel of the Smith household—cast its warm glow over the room as Rick halfheartedly flipped through burrito options on his phone. His cherry Coke sat loyally on the coffee table, condensation pooling around the can. The freezer upstairs was barren, the fridge even worse, save for some suspicious sauces that could double as science experiments. His body was sluggish, his mind slower than usual, but one thing was clear: he needed food, and fast food was the answer.
“Ugh, Taco Barge or Galaxy Bell…” Rick muttered, scratching his head. “Why do these places always think putting crunchy in the name makes it better? Stupid… goddamn marketing.”
Suddenly, the sound of uneven, hurried footsteps thumped down the stairs. Rick didn’t bother looking up. He knew that distinct, wine-fueled rhythm anywhere. Beth appeared at the bottom of the steps, glass in hand, cheeks flushed, her free hand gripping an already half-empty bottle of merlot.
“Rick!” she barked, swaying slightly. “Move over. I’m taking the TV.”
Rick grunted, his thumb still scrolling. “Pfft, yeah, no, not happening. I’m sick, I’m old, and I’ve got a right to hog this thing. Go argue with Jerry about, uh—whatever—pickles or somethin’.”
Beth staggered closer, her glass clinking against the bottle as she gestured wildly. “Oh, you mean the guy who thinks brine is a personality trait? If I have to hear him explain his ‘pickle theory’ one more time, I’m gonna stab him in the eye, pull it out, and eat it just to prove a goddamn point.”
Rick snorted, amused despite himself. “You’d do it too. And it’d probably be the most exciting thing to happen in his life. Hell, I’d pay to see that.”
Beth smirked but wasn’t deterred. She pointed the neck of the wine bottle at him. “Move. I want to watch Dr. Bob.”
Rick raised an eyebrow. “The SCP guy? Really? You’re gonna commandeer my TV for a guy who narrates creepy pasta with diagrams?”
“Better than watching you scroll through burrito menus like you’re cracking some interdimensional code,” Beth shot back. “Now, move your ass!”
Instead of conceding, Rick grabbed his cherry Coke, tipped it back, and chugged the remainder of the soda. He let out a thunderous belch that echoed in the basement. Beth recoiled but didn’t back down. She drained her glass of wine in retaliation and immediately refilled it.
“You’re impossible,” she spat, climbing over the armrest of the couch. Rick barely shifted as Beth nudged him with her knee.
“Yeah, well, you’re drunk and hostile,” Rick said lazily, shooting her an unimpressed look.
Without warning, Beth shoved him hard. Caught off guard and too sick to react, Rick tumbled off the couch, landing with a thud. Beth plopped down triumphantly in his place, snatched the remote, and fired up Dr. Bob. The TV screen flickered to life, the ominous narration of SCP lore filling the room. She cackled as the video showed monsters devouring hapless humans.
“Monsters eating people. Classic. This is exactly what I needed,” she said, crossing her legs and leaning back.
Rick, groaning from the floor, scrambled to his feet. “Oh, you’re real cute, Beth. Real cute. You just threw me off my own couch while I’m dying of a cold!”
“Cry me a river, old man,” Beth said, waving him off.
Rick stepped in front of the TV, blocking her view. “Turn that crap off. I was here first.”
Beth didn’t reply. Instead, she took a long swig from her glass, calmly set it down, and hurled it directly at Rick. The wine glass hit him square on the side of the head with a sharp crack, shattering on impact. Rick staggered, his eyes wide for a moment before his knees gave out and he collapsed onto the carpet in a heap.
Beth blinked, her drunken rage fading as she realized what she’d done. For a moment, there was silence, save for the chilling narration from the TV. Then she shrugged, poured herself another glass, and leaned back on the couch.
“Should’ve just moved,” she muttered, smirking as the SCP monsters continued their carnage.