Specyj

Finally, some good news after such a disastrous year, I've finally been accepted by several friends and invited to join their Discord groups. I will not disclose them due to security reasons but just know that one of them has been the only nice one throughout my chaotic Discord experience who hasn't yelled at me or gotten mad at me throughout my years. It's good to finally be treated better and given a kind solution than the usual words and awkward moments.I finally have a new group led by someone that cares about me and shows me kindness. It really gave me much needed relief from most of the pain I've accumulated that's for sure. While this is an improvement it doesn't remove the fact that a lot of people I left a terrible impression on still despise me and/or do everything they can to avoid me and blacklist me. So the conflict is still far from over, but at least I now have someone who cares to help me and get me through these hard times and gave me a better standing than the

I decided to post more of my journal entries here in literature as not many people tend to really read my page's posts. I'd like to apologize for the constant contradictions and changing my plans this year, but life in 2024 has been a very bad emotional roller coaster of tensions, constant negotiations, and failed peace talks. It's honestly bad. My family and the online communities I used to rely on have somehow switched roles in this new era. My parents have become the good people giving me love and support instead of hurting me like the years before, but now the communities that treated me well are the petty ones hurting me for the smallest slights. After all the thoughts I shared and I even talked about things possibly getting better in life, I was genuinely being honest that I thought that things would improve, but unfortunately not everything has a happy ending and not every broken relationship can be repaired. Negotiations really are failing so far. I did say I was the

I post the this Journal in literature to prevent people from missing whatever I wrote. After some talks with the people I left and the person I thought rejected me (bluephoenix-epsilon/Blue Astra). I realize now I was the villain in their chapter. I had wrongly made assumptions based on my misinterpretations in our conversations before I had left. And he was just harmlessly referencing world history rather than wanting conflict. He was annoyed but it was still my fault for misunderstanding what he said. And he was going through his own struggles and depression. Also much of this heartache was caused by me assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions. And I hesitated to ask him and talk things out with him. Until it escalated. I should have asked sooner. Instead I just left without resolving it and was consumed by my own fears. My only excuse for my poor judgement is paranoia driven by years of traumatic failures, bad experiences, and unfair treatment in the past, and even that