Commemoration Ch. 3

Waking up this time felt a lot more comfortable, Tony thought dryly. His ribs ached and he felt a little dizzy, but other than that, fine.

"Hey, Tony. Are you feeling better?" Natasha was looking at him genuine concern. This was weird. He always knew Natasha as calm, blunt, and unreadable. She never showed this much emotion.

"Yeah, a lot better." He said, and he meant it.

"Tony, what year is it? Actually, the month, too?" Natasha said, worried looking.

"What kind of question is that?" He scoffed.

"Just humor me."

"All right. Um, April 2011?"

Natasha closed her eyes for a second. That would be about 3 months since he met her. The Avengers hadn't "assembled" for another month or two.

Tony was looking at her strangely, his face scrunched together in concentration.

She got little agitated by it. "What?"

"I don't know. You just seem...different. And a lot nicer to me, now that I think about it," his eyes widened. "We're not...you know...?"

Natasha's eyes widened as well. Tony thought they were...dating? Any other day if someone had assumed that, she'd laugh. But now it was Tony assuming, Tony who was married happily. It wasn't often that Natasha was rendered speechless, but she didn't really know what to say to Tony. How was she supposed to tell him that he was married to Steve, a man that he didn't even know he'd met? Telling him that probably wouldn't go over too well. She was just about to open her mouth to finally speak when the door opened and in walked Steve.

"I brought some pictures and stuff from-" he stopped and looked up then, eyes widening when he saw the man sitting in the hospital bed. He was awake. "Tony." His voice sounded a bit hoarse and he just stared for a moment, before breaking the gaze to put the armful of stuff down. Swallowing, he looked towards Natasha with raised eyebrows, as if to ask if there was any change in his husband's memory.

When Natasha shook her head slowly, Steve sat down in the extra chair by Tony's bed and avoided his questioning gaze. Natasha, to break the awkward silence, took the cardboard box off the end table near the door and offered it to Tony.

"I don't like to be handed things," Tony smirked, making both Steve and Natasha chuckle. The tension faded a little but not as much as Tony would've felt comfortable with.

"All right, here," Natasha rolled her eyes as she scooted closer to the bed, putting the box on his bed. "You can sort through it yourself."

The man stared at it for a minute, and then looked from Natasha to Steve. "How much have I lost?"

"What?" Steve jerked his head up to Tony's face, alarmed by this question. It hadn't occurred to him at all that Tony might be aware of any memory loss. Now he wished he'd taken the time to ask.

"How much don't I remember?" Tony snapped. "Stop acting like I'm going to break apart. What day is it?"

At the question, Steve shifted uncomfortably in the chair. He didn't really know what to say to that. Sure, he could just straight up answer the question, but actually saying something like that would most likely get Steve upset again. Sure, it might seem silly, but that's just how he was right now. Just when he thought the tears were gone, he could feel a lump forming in his throat again.

Not to mention, he sure as hell had a good reason to feel emotional. His freaking husband had lost his memory- it was to be expected that he was upset!

"Um..." he fiddled with his wedding ring and looked away, avoiding Tony's gaze and expectant request of,

"Well, someone spit it out."

Natasha cleared her throat and said quietly, "It's December, Tony. December 2012."

The words were so softly spoken Tony almost missed them. December 2012, that's...that's a couple months short of two years! Feeling like a hole had just opened up in his heart to add to the one he had in his mind, he sank back down into the pillows. Anything could have happened. People could have died people he was close to. And the company? His heart raced as he stared at the ceiling, struggling to comprehend that that was then, and this was now.

Now was frightening.

Steve swallowed after a moment and motioned to the cardboard box. "I brought some things I thought might help," he said softly. "Pictures and stuff. It could trigger a memory, maybe, so..." he trailed off and shrugged lightly, not knowing what he would say when Tony found the photos from their wedding. He just had a feeling it would be awkward. The man didn't know he was married, after all. How would he take that? After all, "playboy" had kind of been part of Tony's agenda before Steve.

"Of course," Natasha spoke up then, "you can look at the photos whenever you're ready to, Tony. No rush."

Tony blinked from his shocked daze and glared hotly at the cardboard box. "I don't want to laugh and smile and...fucking pretend like it was good old times. I want to remember."

Natasha sighed a little. "That's what the pictures are for, Tony. To see if it will trigger anything."

Steve closed his eyes and turned his head. This sort of reaction from Tony was something he wasn't surprised by, honestly, but he didn't like it. He wanted him to be willing to look through their pictures and /try/, not just get pissed because he couldn't remember.

Tony just huffed angrily and ran a hand down his face, and then something suddenly occurred to him. "I...I have a wedding ring on my finger," his voice was bewildered as he brought his hand from his face and looked at it. "I'm married?"

Steve shot a look to Natasha, panicking a little, but Natasha smiled wanly at him before turning back to Tony.

"Yes," Natasha said after a moment in response to Tony's mini freak out over the ring on his finger. "You're married."

The same look of bewilderment stayed on the billionaire's face. "Well, to who?" he demanded. "Who the hell did I marry?"

Slowly, Steve held out his left hand, to show the matching wedding band on his finger. "Me," he said very quietly, still looking away.

"What?" Tony gasped slightly, looking, really looking at Steve for the first time. "I-I don't...I don't even know you...but I do. I don't. But...you know me."

Steve smiled, pained. "That's about right."

He couldn't process this. He was married. He was married to a man he doesn't even remember. When had they even met? When did Tony decide to actually settle down for a long-term relationship? He's only had one long girlfriend back in his early twenties, and it didn't appeal to him again after he was dumped. He tried to remember talking to Steve, falling in love, kissing him, even, because that's what Tony always remembered when he was trying to remember a long lost girl looking for more love.

Steve leaned back in the chair and rubbed his face. "Kind of crazy, I guess," he said quietly and then looked towards Natasha with a sort of 'help me' kind of expression on his face. For once, he didn't know what to say to Tony- what could he? This Tony didn't know him, didn't love him. What was he supposed to do?

The door opened then and in walked Clint, balancing four cups of coffee. "Heyo!" he called out. "Doc said you could have a little bit of coffee," he looked to Tony. "Gotcha some. Got everyone some, really."

"I'll need it," Tony said quietly.

Clint frowned; what had he missed? He seemed to keep missing all the important conversations lately, which was strange, since he could usually catch a conversation anywhere. Steve looked like he wanted to shake Tony's shoulders and yell something at him.

"We, um, filled Tony in a little." Natasha winced.

"Oh," Clint said, handing Steve and Natasha their coffees and walking over to Tony to hand him one, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, you saved the world!"

Tony took the coffee and drank greedily, thankful for the caffeinated beverage at a time like this. He really did need it. "Saved the world? Course I did," he shrugged after a moment, his hands still wrapped around the coffee cup. "Anything else important happen? Don't tell me I've got a kid or some shit," he muttered. "Good lord."

Steve sucked in a breath at that. No, they didn't have a child, but the thoughts of their conversation regarding adoption suddenly began flying back to him. They'd just begun looking into the process before the accident and he had been so excited; a family with Tony would be like a dream come true. He let his mind wander now, as he imagined the man holding a tiny little baby in his arms and cooing down to it. God. He could see it so clearly, he wanted it so badly, and it hurt.

But. No. Tony didn't even know who he was now, so that couldn't happen. Not for a while, if ever.

Tony regarded Steve's silent shake of the head and nodded, clearly not taking the hint. "Probably a good thing. I'm awful with kids."

"Oh, I think you've improved, being a superhero and all." Steve said lightly, smiling as Tony grinned. For a split second, and he savored it, it was like old times. Keep talking to him. Tell him stories, make him laugh. Maybe...maybe this will turn out all right after all...

"I need to get out of here."

"What? Out of the hospital? Tony, you've been here for 2 days." Steve told him. "They sure won't let you go that quick with a head injury."

"Are you sure you're not my adopted mother, you hen?" Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling, and Natasha lightly slapped him on the arm as Clint laughed.

"Most days, it feels like I am," Steve teased back.

Tony chuckled a little before he looked to Steve again. Tony couldn't imagine the frustration he must be feeling. Steve clearly loved him more than life itself, and Tony couldn't return the favor anymore. Roles switched, he'd be angry. He'd be furious...he'd not be able to handle it at all, actually. When problems arose, he liked to run until he could bounce back with an idea. Not a plan, just a little idea that form into a plan after it was put to action.

Tony couldn't think of any ideas to fix this. "Steve, I..."

Steve looked at him, his smile fading but holding a hopeful edge. Innocent blue eyes. Hardened, but still innocent and so...honest.

"I'm sorry I don't love you anymore."

Steve gazed at Tony for a moment as he waited for the man to say something. What was it? Did he...? No, he wouldn't be remembering something, Steve told himself. Right? He didn't think he was but-

"I'm sorry I don't love you anymore."

Those words hit Steve like a freight train.

I'm sorry I don't love you anymore.

I don't love you anymore.

He suddenly found himself blinking rapidly and trying to force the smile from just a moment ago back onto his face, but he just couldn't. Those words... Hearing Tony say that... It was one thing to know his husband didn't remember him, but to say it in words like that killed Steve. Made him feel like someone had just ripped out his heart and stomped on it, and whether Tony meant to or not, he had honestly hurt his feelings.

"It's..." he finally managed after a moment, trying to keep his voice steady. "It's okay."

No, it wasn't okay, actually. But what the hell was Steve supposed to do? Scream at Tony? Yell in his face? Yeah, none of that would solve the problem.

Clint cleared his throat, attempting to diffuse the awkward feeling in the air. "Well I'm sure you're gonna be back to normal in no time, Tony."

Tony suddenly realized how...wrong that came out. "Wait...I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that. I...I don't really know. I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you."

"Tony..." Natasha began.

"You'll have to bear with me, Steve. I will do everything I-"

"It's okay, Tony." Steve told him, but a hard tone was creeping on the end of his words. He was clearly trying to keep himself together, to not outburst in anger. Tony almost wanted him to yell, because all this touchy feely sad shit was starting to get on his nerves.

"No, it's not!" he challenged.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, telling himself just to stay calm. No matter how frustrated he was right now, he was not going to lash out at Tony. It's not like he could really help the situation he was in.

"Yes it is," he finally ground out before standing up, avoiding gazes of the others. "Excuse me, I need some air." With that, he abruptly left the room.

Natasha stared after him for a moment.

"Nat," Clint said quietly.

She nodded, before standing and following after Steve.

Tony didn't stop any of them from leaving. He sat there, fuming, regretting everything that came out of his mouth. But he knew it was necessary. He had to deal with this on his own, like he always did with his problems. Clearly, Tony married to Steve had gotten past that, but unmarried Tony had no problem.

He didn't need anyone's help.

Natasha trailed along behind Steve as he paced to the end of the hallway and back. "I figured he'd act like this."

Steve laughed humorlessly. "Really? Did you? Because I didn't."

"Steve, we have to give him time."

"The more time we give him the more time he has to realize, that he doesn't have to remember everything! Tony in there doesn't want to be a part of the Avengers, much less be with someone to spend his life with, share all his secrets that I know he already told me." Steve was pinching his arm fiercely to not yell.

"It's still Tony. There's no changing that." Natasha said soothingly.

Steve clenched his jaw before speaking to Natasha again, trying to keep his voice low. "It might still be Tony, but it's not the Tony I've been married to. What... what if he decides he doesn't want this, Nat? What if he-" he paused for a moment to take a calming breath, once again trying not to snap, "-what if he... divorces me? Then what? I will have nothing. The Avengers won't be the same. My group of friends won't be the same. My whole damn life won't be the same!" he shook his head and turned away.

He already knew he wouldn't be able to handle that.

Clint winced inwardly as Steve and Natasha's voices carried out into the room. Because he could not simply stand there and listen, he shut the hospital room door shut. Well. This was a bit awkward now. "So, uh, you okay?"

The glare he got from Tony told him that, no, it was not okay. For a minute, neither of them said anything, and Clint could tell Tony wasn't taking the silence well.

"So, you're my best friend these days, huh?" Tony's voice had less scorn. At least he was making an effort on remembering someone.

"More or less."

"You seem like a decent guy. A bit hardened. Lemme guess, archer army dude?"

Clint looked at him in surprise. "I knew you were good at reading people, but not that good."

"Obviously I had more plans to amaze you in the future. It's not that hard to guess. Your arms are well formed and muscled, your eye catches everything, and you just...seem the type. Where'd you serve?"

"I'm an agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. You're a bit off."

Tony nodded. "S.H.I.E.L.D...If I remember correct, Fury's a bastard."

"And your opinion hasn't changed since you began working for him." Clint laughed heartily.

"Work? As in, taking missions? I thought I was only a consultant."

"He did that at first to keep your nose out of his business before the time was right."

"And so? What happened then?"

"The Avengers happened," Clint said easily as he took a seat in one of the hospital chairs. "Threw together a bunch of badass superheroes and bam, we're saving the day," he gave a small shrug at that. "It's pretty cool."

"And I willingly work for Fury?"

Clint couldn't help but chuckle at the comment. "Yes, you do."

Tony recalled peeking out an "Avengers Initiative" folder when he'd signed the consultant papers. Fury was more manipulative than he thought. After the mess with his palladium poisoning, Director Nickolas Fury had come by his ruined mansion

"We're part of the superhero squad, huh?"

"Yup. 6 of us total. Usually we're put together in world crisis, hence our first mission." Clint explained. He was glad that he could talking something useful and not make everything so...weird.

"...Who's on our team, then? Me, you, Natasha..." Tony shuffled though his mind to think of the other 4 who he could be working with.

"There's Bruce. He's a wannabe scientist, but he's also the Hulk. You know, big green guy? Don't call him that though. We call him the other guy."

"I've heard of him."

"There's Thor, he's a god...oh, and Captain America."

That took Tony by surprise. "Captain...America. Like, 1940's hero Captain America?"

Clint realized he should have maybe kept his big mouth shut. He wasn't sure if either Tony or Steve was ready for this information to be revealed. Clint sort of just shrugged, not knowing what to say now. He definitely didn't want to make things awkward by saying something he shouldn't. In any other situation he wouldn't care, but this situation was different from usual.

"Well," he finally said and took a swig of his coffee, "you gonna look at any of those pictures from home?"

Out in the hallway, Steve pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. "God, it's only been a day and I feel this stressed out. What am I going to do?" he looked to Natasha then, seeming helpless. "I cannot handle this. Villains I can handle; regular stress I can handle, but not... this."

"I know, Steve, it's hard for all of us. Bruce is holed up at his hotel and refuses to see anyone, Clint feels awful and God knows he can't handle the awkwardness-"

"You're lucky. He remembers you."

"We definitely didn't get off to a good start." Natasha said lightly, trying to loosen him up a little.

"Doesn't matter."

"But Steve-"

"No, I'm serious. He remembers you, Nat, and that's... it's not fair!"

"Its not fair," Natasha repeated. "Well, of course it's not fair! Did you suppose that since you went through a couple of...speed bumps along the road in the beginning, it's all going to be apple pie and laughs after that?"

"No, I-

"Your husband needs you to get yourself together and try everything to help him, Steve."

"He doesn't want my help. He's made that clear." Steve said coldly. "Did you not hear?"

"I heard fine. I heard a man who doesn't know what's happening around his life anymore. Who's scared out of his wits and sick of us trying to baby him with pity." Natasha's boiled annoyance was coming to a snap. "How do you deal with Tony when he's being stubborn, Steve? On any other day?"

"I'd...give him a good reason."

"Then give him one now."