Rent-a-Ed (Cartoon Mashup)

 [A sign reading "Cirkus Eds" is hung on the swingset. Eddy pops up in front of it.]

Eddy: "Ladies and germs!" [The kids and Jock are sitting in some makeshift bleachers. While the Rainbooms and CMCs are sitting on the left bleachers] "The moment you've been waiting for, Circus Eds is proud to present, all the way from Reno, the one, the only, the Flying Eduardo Brothers!".

[Jonny and Pinkie Pie clap as Nazz yawns and Rolf munches his hotdog.]

Ed: "You've got them in the palm of your hand, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Follow my lead, boys." [He leaps down from his friends' heads.] "Hup hup!" [He stands on his head.] "Hip!" [Eddy returns to earth.] "Ho ho!"

Ed: "Zippety do-dah!" [He spins only to face plant on the ground.]

Edd: "Um...knit one, perl two?" [He does jumping jacks without jumping.]

Rolf: "Why is Double-D Ed-boy calling the Chestnut Elves?"

[The noobs come out with Tyler and Roach wearing clown costumes to appease the crowd]

Tyler: This is totally ridiculous. I can't believe Eddy is making us wear these.

Roach: Well, we are clowns and we're supposed to funny so lets do it! [pulls out a pie and thrusts it in Tyler's face]

[Shope appears as a Lion Tamer holding a stool and whip while Kev R. is in the form of a Lion]

Sarah: "This stuff stinks!"

Kevin: Snoresville!

Jock: I paid measly 25¢ for this?

Applejack: This is wastin' out time when we should be doing our band practice.

Rainbow Dash: Oh c'mon. At least give us something extreme to watch!

Pinkie Pie: Shhhh! Don't spoil the act!

Ed: "Okay, um. Watch this, little sister." [Ed throws his friends in the air. He catches them on his feet and proceeds to juggle them using just his feet.] "I saw this on TV."

[The kids, Rainbooms, CMCs and Little Einstines cheer, and Edd and Eddy land on one end of the teeter-totter.]

Edd: "My, how athletic!"

Shope: That was remarkable!

Ed: "Hi dee ho!"

[Ed is perched at the top of a very tall slide.]

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed!"

Sunset Shimmer: He's not seriously going to jump from the slide, is he?

Twilight Sparkle: I believe he is.

Apple Bloom: This ain't gonna be good.

Sweetie Belle: I can't look!

Kevin: "The dork is toast!"

Ed: "Toast?"

Tyler: Ed, wait a second!

Eddy: "Hup hup."

Edd: "No no!"

CMCs: Uh-oh!

Ed: "Hup hup!" [He leaps off the slide and plunges towards the ground.]

Jonny: "Nice form, huh Plank?"

Rainbow Dash: Awesome!

Jimmy: "Jeepers."

Fluttershy: Oh my. [covers her eyes]

Nazz: "He's dropping like a rock!"

[Ed hits the teeter-totter and plows straight through it, carving a hole in the playground. He pops his head out.]

Ed: "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da."

Edd: "Twinge, hurt, bruise, sting!"

Pinkie Pie: Nailed it!!

Rolf: "Loop-de-loop Ed-boys have boiled an egg, yes?"

Kevin: "Laid, Rolf. Laid an egg?" [He laughs while Rolf is now unamused.]

Eddy: "Give it up for–" [A half-eaten hot dog hits him in the face, and the kids, Rainbooms and Little Eintsines exit the bleachers.]

Kevin: "Wicked toss, Rolf.

Jimmy: "They broke the teeter-totter, Sarah."

Eddy: "Hey, wait! We still gotta shoot Ed out of a cannon!"

Kev R: And have Roach do our juggling Bear ona unicycle act!

Ed:[scanning the skies] "Guys?"

Edd: "Fortunate for us they didn't ask for a refund, Eddy."

Eddy: "Like they'd get it."

Roach: Are you gonna finish that, Eddy?

 [The other half of the seesaw collapses under Eddy.]

Edd: "We'll need it in order to pay a repairman to fix this teeter-totter."

Shope: I think we'll need more coverage than that, Double D.

Eddy: "Double D! You're a genius. Everything breaks sooner or later. And we can fix it! For a token fee of course."

Tyler: Oh, jeez! Here's another Eddy plot.

Ed:[still believing the stunt worked] "Guys?"

Edd: "I'm tired, Eddy. Couldn't we just–"

Eddy: "Nope." [He carries Edd away. While Kev gets Shope, Tyler and Roach]

Ed: "Eddy? Double D? Stop fooling around and fall down, guys!"

Scootaloo: Ed, the circus is over. They left.

Apple Bloom: C'mon, let's get 'ya outta there.

[Jimmy looks into an oven where some sailor-shaped cookies are baking.]

Jimmy: "Yummy, my sailor cookies are perfectly baked and ready for dunking." [He tries to pull the oven door open.] "What's this?" [Jimmy heaves at the door.] "It's stuck!" [Smoke comes from inside the oven.] "My cookies! S.O.S.! Mayday! Man the lifeboats!"

Eddy:[kicking Jimmy's door open] "No joke when it's broke, don't be blue, let Ed's Quick Repair Service fix it and you won't sue!"

Shope: [confused] Um What?

Tyler: That was terrible.

Edd: "You should have hired someone to fix that rhyme, Eddy. Sheesh."

Roach: Wait! [sniffs] I smell something sweeet!

Ed: "I smell cookies! Yum yum yum!"

Jimmy: "Go away! I'll fix it myself!"

Tyler: Jimmy, I'm sure we could-

Eddy: "Seems like we have a do-it-yourselfer here. Fine. Seeya."

Kev R.: Yup, We better tussle

.

Edd: "But Eddy, the oven!"

Eddy: "Time's money, guys. Eenh, Jimmy'll fix it himself."

Kev R.: It's his oven after all. Toodaloo.

[Eddy and Kev walk out. Jimmy stares into the oven. The cookies are burning.]

Jimmy: "Eddy, wait! My cookies, they're burning!"

Eddy:[on the other side of the door] "For a nominal fee..."

Jimmy: "Anything, just name it! Fix my oven, Eddy!"

Eddy: "You'll have to wait downstairs. Insurance stuff, you know." [He pushes Jimmy out and looks at the oven.]

Roach: It is?

Eddy: "Yep. It's broken alright."

Edd: "Very good, Eddy. Now that you've unraveled the riddle, how do you plan to–" [A hollow bang comes. Eddy is hitting it with a lamp and Kev has morphed his gorilla arms and is also hitting the over] "Eddy, Kevin, no!"

Shope: "Ed, Roach, stop!" [Ed is bashing the oven with a chair and Roach has enlarged his fists while also joining in the bashing.]

Tyler: What are you doing?!

Jimmy:[hearing the noise] "Laborers scare me."

Edd: "HOLD IT! Can I interject? Call me crazy, but if we start by turning off the–"

Roach: [grabs the control with his big hand] "Ooo, let me, Double D!" [He rips the control for the oven off the panel.] "Uh, probably should've shrunk my hand first?"

Edd:[frantic] "Is it me? It's him, right?"

Tyler: Roach, you're not suppose to tear the nob off!

Eddy:[as more smoke comes out] "Boy, those cookies are getting crispy."

Kev R.: "More like well-done."

Ed: "Wait! My brain is working." [He throws the oven against the wall.] "Yep."

Shope: Ed! That's not helping!

[The oven door pops open and Jimmy's cookies fall out. By now, they are so hot that as soon as they hit the floor they burn through, leaving sailor shaped holes.]

Eddy: "Nice one, Ed."

Kev: Yeah, thanks a lot, monobrow.

Jimmy:[seeing the rain] "My cookies!" [looking up] "My ceiling!"

Ed: "Tally-ho!"

[The Eds and the Noobs leave by a back route.]

Jimmy: "My oven!"

Eddy:[chewing Ed out] "Ed, Roach, quit it, willya? We need to fix things, not break 'em!"

Ed: "Fix it. Got it."

Roach: "It will not happen again."

[The CMCs come along.]

Scootaloo: What are guys up to this time?

Tyler: As usual, Eddy come up with a scam as us being a repair crew.

Kev R: Until Ed and Roach here had to escalate it.

Apple Bloom: Ed, what'd you and Roach do?

Tyler: They dismantled Jimmy's easy-bake oven and damaged his room.

[They then hear something in the tree]

Jonny:[offscreen] "Aah! Eee! Oooh! Aaah!" [He falls out of the tree by which the Eds have congregate, and his head gets wedged between two branches.] "I did it again, huh, Plank?"

Eddy: "Climbing trees again, Jonny boy?"

Jonny: "Give me a hand, guys, I'm stuck!"

Eddy: "It's your lucky day, Jonny. For a nominal fee, we can repair that head of yours!"

Jonny: "Repair? I need rescuing!"

Eddy: "Repair, rescue, same price, Jonny. Fix 'em, Ed."

Tyler: It isn't the same thing though.

Ed: "Read 'em and weep, Eddy!"

Roach: Let's yank him out!

[He and Roach pulls on Jonny's legs.]

Jonny: "Wait! It's too tight, guys!"

Eddy:[spotting a bill in Jonny's pocket] "Oh look, a tip, Why thank you." [Jonny snaps back up, slamming Eddy to the ground.]

Edd: "Eddy, with proper lubrication, Jonny's head would simply slip out."

Tyler: Like vegetable oil maybe?

Jonny: "I've got some dish soap in the kitchen."

Eddy: "Glad I thought of it! We'll soap up his melon, and collect our fee!"

Jonny: "Not so fast! Plank's going too. Keep your eyes on 'em, buddy." [Edd takes the proffered wood.]

Kev R: "Do we have to bring the piece of wood too? Geez."

Shope: "Don't worry, Jonny, We'll be right back and promise no to touch anything."

Tyler: [to Ed and Roach] Right, you two?

Sweetie Belle: Should we?

Scootaloo: We may as well help too. Come on.

[The CMC's fallow the Eds and Noobs inside Jonny's house in the kitchen.]

Edd: "How anyone could find detergent in this mess is beyond me!"

Tyler: Not in this cabinet.

Apple Bloom: Oh wait, here's... No, that's just Shake  n' bake.

Edd: [He spots it.] "There you are!"

Ed:[searching under the sink] "There you are!" [He pulls the plumbing from the walls.] "Weird bottle, huh?"

CMCs: ED!!!

Eddy: "What, again?"

Shope: Are you kidding me?!

Eddy/Kev R: "Ed, you're a–"

Jonny: "Is everything okay in there, Plank?"

Kev R: Nothing. Nothing. It's cool, Jonny. No worries.

Eddy: "Everything's fine. Ed found a leak in your pipe–uh–your faucet. For an extra quarter, we can tweak it."

Jonny: "Well, I guess so."

Plank:

Jonny: "What's that, Plank?"

Plank:

Jonny: "They did what?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Where?" [Eddy clamps his hand over Plank's mouth.] "Get me down from here! Help! Someone!"

[Eddy and Kev backs into the house.]

Edd:[very worried] "Sick, I think I'm gonna be sick. We don't have the proper tools to fix this!"

Shope: [worried] It's a plumbing disaster!

Tyler: [frantic] Do you have any idea how expensive it is to repair a kitchen sink?!

Eddy:[barely keeping calm] "It's under control, relax. We've got the ultimate tool."

[A montage follows where the Eds, Kev, Shope and Tyler use Ed in various ways to fix Jonny's plumbing.]

Eddy:[by a poorly fashioned sink] "We were born to do this, Double D."

Kev R.: This was in the bag.

Edd: "This is a natural talent? It's not fixed! Look at it!"

Tyler: It's worse than before!

Shope: My grandpa could do a better repair job than this!

[The sound of an engine firing up is heard, and Edd, Eddy, Tyler, Shope, Kev gasp. Ed has collected the spare plumbing.]

Ed: "Can I build a birdhouse with this stuff?"

Kev R.: What is wrong with you?!

Edd: "Ed? Where did you eviscerate that heat radiator from?"

Ed: "There." [He points at a pipe which is spewing steam.]

Edd: "Oh dear! Quick, do something, shut it off!"

Scootaloo: Ed, you and Roach are damaging Jonny's house!

Ed: "Boy, it is hot in here. Are you hot, Eddy? Sweat is trickling down my neck."

Roach: Mine's going down my spine!

Edd: "I'm melting. It's becoming a sauna in here."

Eddy: "A sauna! That's it! A spa! Why fix things when we can fix people?

Kev R.: Now's that's business!

Tyler: Really? In Johnny's own home?

Kev R.: Why not?

Eddy: Sauna, sweat, and makeovers! Cashola in the bank-ola!"

Shope: [sighs] Well, I'll see If can get more staff.

Scootaloo: Count us in.

[A wooden sign is hung over Jonny's face.]

Sarah: "Cheaz La Sweet? What's that?"

Jimmy: "That's 'Shae La Sweat,' Sarah. Sweat's good for your skin! C'mon, let's cleanse our pores!"

Sarah:[following Jimmy in] "Sweat stinks."

Jonny: "Hello? Who's there?"

[Jimmy walks up to the door. Before he can open it, Eddy throws it open and screams.]

Eddy: "Mon grate, welcome to Cheaz La Sweat!"

Jimmy: "Eddy!"

Eddy: "Comon vu, au grauton? Look, see, la facial!  [Double D and Shope there]

Kev R.: Over here, we got la spa and la massage!  [CMC's, Tyler, Zenblock and Memnock there]

Eddy: And the grand piece of resistance, la sauna!"

Jimmy: "My dream come true!"

Eddy: "Cough up la fifty cents, oui oui?"

Jimmy: "Yes yes!"

Sarah:[grabbing the money] "Not so fast! You guys wrecked Jimmy's room and we're not paying one red cent!" [She grabs Eddy and shakes him.] "GOT IT, MISTER?"

Eddy:[dazed] "Very good. Voolah voolah towel over yonder."

Sarah: "Lovely, thank you."

Edd: "Freshly laundered towels, only twenty-five cents!" [Sarah and Jimmy each go by but leave no money.] "Um, each?"

Shope: I guess they're getting theirs for free I suppose.

Sarah: "This better be good."

Jimmy: "Fancy."

Ed: "Come again!" [He and Roach are tied to a support beam and acting as a towel rod.]

Roach: Don't be a stranger!

Eddy: "Any damage? What'd ya break, Ed?"

Ed: "I've been a good towel rack, Eddy."

Roach: "As have I, Kev."

Eddy: "We know you have, Lumpy. Let's just make sure you stay good." [He tightens the knots binding Ed and Roach in place.]

Kev R: And tight. Right, Roach?

Roach: Yes, sir.

Edd: "Okay then. You've ordered our Stately package. The opulent hair treatment for Jimmy, and the exfoliating facial for Sarah." [He puts an applicator in a jar of peanut butter.]

Shope: Oh, just secret blend of organic minerals, Sarah.

Edd: "Which to help that haggard skin."

Tyler: [whispers] Isn't that just peanut butter?"

[Eddy grabs the jar and pours the whole spread onto Sarah's face.]

Edd: "Seems efficient."

Shope: I guess.

Sarah: "Hey, my skin feels tingly-tingle!"

Jimmy: "I told you, Sarah!" [A glob of peanut butter lands on his curls.] "Be gentle."

Eddy:[working the spread in] "One baguette, hold the mayo!" [He shapes Jimmy's curl into a horn.]

Jimmy:[admiring his new look] "It's so brave! I love it!"

[The scene shows Applejack and Rainbow Dash getting their massages from Scootaloo and Apple Bloom while Rarity is getting a manicure and her hair done by Sweetie Belle, Tyler, Zenblock and Memnock.]

Rainbow Dash: [Seeing Jimmy] Ha! Jimmy looks like a unicorn. Oh. A little lower, Scootaloo.

Scootaloo: You got, Rainbow Dash!

Rainbow Dash: Ah. Ooh, lower, lower, lower- Aah... That's good.

Applejack: Now this is livin'. Hey, Apple Bloom. I'm a eager to have La Sauna.

Apple Bloom: Sure thing, big sis. All most done.

Applejack: How 'bout you, Rarity?

Rarity: None for me, girls. I'm perfectly fine where I am having my manicure. I don't need hot steam of ruining my perfectly good hair. Though, I'm not quite sure of establishing a sauna in someone's home.

Sweetie Belle: Hey, it was Eddy's idea.

Rainbow Dash: Oh, who cares? At least they're providing service.

Rarity: Now, Sweetie Belle. Could you, Tyler and these two "what's-their-names" be so kind to do my nails please.

Sweetie Belle: Yes, sis.

Zenblock: [to Memrock while doing Rarity's nails] Why are the Noobs dragging us into this false business, Mem?

Memrock: [Filing her nails] I dunno, Zen, let's just go along with it.

Zenblock: [reluctantly] Eh... all right.

Eddy: "Next, La Sauna! Double D? Shope?" [kicks the chair and knocks Sarah and Jimmy off]

Applejack: Right about time!

Rainbow Dash: Sweet!

Shope: Right this way everyone.

Edd:[escorting Sarah, Jimmy, Rainbow Dash and Applejack in with Shope] "Mind your heads, please. La Sauna cleans and purifies the skin."

Shope: [Shope and Double D pulls back a shower curtain and shows them into another area.] "You have company."

[Inside are Kevin, Rolf, Nazz, Jock, Twilight, Sunset, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Spike.]

Rolf: "Close the curtain, as it is colder than my Nana's wooden leg!"

Jock: Yeah, you're lettin' all the steam out!

Edd: "Um, Sorry, Rolf.

Shope: And you too, Jock.

Edd: "Room for four?" [Sarah and Jimmy enter.]

Sarah: "Jimmy?" [Applejack and Rainbow Dash follow]

Sunset: "Look who's come to join the Sauna."

Shope: Let me extend the tent even wider. There.

Edd: "Relax and enjoy." [He and Shope exits.]

Rolf: "This hot steam makes Rolf's flesh shed tears of impurity. Aah."

Sarah:[lifts her hand off Rolf's sweat] "Yuck!"

Nazz: "My pores are screaming."

Pinkie Pie: My hair is frizzy!

Sunset: [to Applejack] Where's Rarity?

Rainbow Dash: Ah, she passed. Getting her nails done.

Sunset: Figures.

[Rolf turns the steam up and stands in front of it.]

Rolf: "Ooh! Aah! Fresh! Ha ha!"

Rainbow Dash: Quit hogging all the steam, Rolf.

Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, there's plenty for all of us in here.

[Rolf's towel falls off.]

[Edd and Shope are pacing outside the sauna.]

Jimmy:[from inside the sauna] "How embarrassing!"

Rainbow Dash:[from inside the sauna]  Geez Louise, Rolf!

Nazz:[leaping out] "Rolf, you're so gross!"

Jimmy:[comes out with Sarah] "Run away!"

Kevin: "You're on your own, dude!" [laughs]

Jock: I gotta get my phone so I can post it online! [laughs]

Eddy:[confused] "Can somebody tell me what's going on?"v

Kev R.:[confused] Why is everyone-

Rolf:[opening the sauna curtains] "I must protest the rudeness of your guests!"

Edd: "What just happened?" [They sees the naked Rolf naked without his towel.]

Shope: (gasps and covers her eyes.) MY EYES!!!

Edd: (pulls his hat over his face.) MAKE YOURSELF DECENT, ROLF!

Rarity: What on earth is all that commotion? [shrieks in horror at the sight of Rolf naked then faints]

[The CMCs, Tyler and Zenblock and Memnock come out]

Sweetie Belle: You okay, Rarity? AAAHH! [Screams and covers her eyes]

Scootaloo: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, ROLF! [blocks her face]

Apple Bloom: No one wants to see your under carriage!

Zenblock:[unamused] Humans are such strange creatures.

Tyler: What is everyone freaking out about- [Sees Rolf] WHOA! Geez, Rolf, what the heck? [Covers his eyes]

Eddy: "You're scaring the customers away, Rolf! Put your towel on!"

Kev R.: Ugh! Cover yourself up, man!

[Ed bursts through the wall, the beam still tied to him and Roach.]

Ed: "Towel rack at your service!"

Roach: Who wants one?

Kev R.:[irate] You imbeciles!

Eddy: "Now look what you did!"

Shope: Wait. W-what was that sound?...

Edd: I can't bare to look as Rolf... (he, Tyler and Shope peek and see the broken poll.)

Edd/Shope/Tyler: IS THAT THE SUPPORT BEAM TO THE HOUSE?!

CMCs: WHA?!

Rainbooms: HUH?!

Ed: What's a support beam?

[The house begins to shake.]

Edd: "This has been quite a day..."

Tyler: I regret nothing...

Kev R.: [worried] "Crud."

[As the Eds and Noobs scream, the house develops cracks all over its structure and collapses in upon itself as everyone else screams and berried.]

[The house is a smoldering pile of rubble. A shirtless Kevin and Jock heave themselves out of some of the wreckage and looks around.]

Kevin: "Oh, man..."

Jock: Ow...(coughs)

[Their eyes finally land on the Eds.]

Kevin: You guys are in so much trouble."

Eddy: "Tell me about it, I lost my money."

Tyler: Really?

Edd: "How can you even think about money at a time like–"

Eddy: "Oop! Found it!" [He picks up his money can.] "Did you miss me?"

[CMCs and Rainbooms emerge from the rubble, coughing]

Scootaloo: Ah...[cough] What happened?

Apple Bloom: Is everyone all right?

Sweetie Belle: [cough] I think so.

Fluttershy: That was scary.

Rarity: MY HAIR!! I just had these done!

Rainbooms: ED!!!

Jock:[gleefully] Oh-ho-ho, you're in for it now, bozos. [cracks his knuckles]

Kevin:[gleefully] "Jonny's gonna–" [Rolf pokes his head out then Jonny kicks the door down on top of him, Kevin and Jock.]

Jonny: "Homewreckers! Look how unhappy Plank is!" [He holds up the spa sign. One of the four wooden pieces used to construct it is Plank.]

Jimmy:[woozy] "Rubber baby buggy bumpers."

Ed: "He's reaching for Jimmy!" [Jonny has indeed picked Jimmy up as a sword and uses the sign w/h Plank as a shield.]

Tyler: Whoa, whoa, easy there Johnny.

Shope: [worried] Put Jimmy back down.

Eddy: "Relax, Jonny, we're repairmen. We'll fix it."

Kev R: Yeah, we swear! Huh? [See Memnock and Zenblock] Zem. Mem. Where ya going?

Zenblock: Back to the ship. Your mess. Not ours. You're on your own. Peace.

Memnock: Sorry, guys. [Memnock and Zenblock give peace sign as they leave]

Jimmy: "I'm scared of heights!

Kev R.: Jonny, please!

Jonny:[swings the horn-haired Jimmy at the Eds and Noobs without further ado] "Touché!"

[Jimmy's horn slices through Ed and Roach's bonds, and they joins his friends in their attempt to escape.]

Ed: "Run!"

[Jimmy is thrown at Eddy, and Jimmy hits the ground in front of him and sticks like a javelin. Eddy slowly backs up.]

Jimmy: "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Ed: "We are surrounded!" [The kids, Jock and the Rainbooms have circled them.]

Rarity: You charlatans owe me new nails.

Tyler: "Let's just do the right thing, Eddy."

Edd: "And we'll work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home."

Eddy: "Yeah right. They'll never catch the Flying Eduardo Brothers!" [He rips off his shirt to reveal his original costume.]

Edd: "You're still wearing that thing?"

Shope: "All this time?"

Eddy: "Hup hup!"

Ed: "Ho ho ho, hip!"

Rolf, Jock and Jonny: "Not again!"

Rolf: "Those good-for-nothings are good-for-nothings!"

Rainbow Dash:

Edd: "Careful, Ed!"

[Ed uses his leg muscles to launch his friends into the stratosphere.]

Roach: My turn! [transforms his hands into gorilla hands and juggles Kev, Shope and Tyler]

Ed:[backing up to catch them] "Hip hip, um, arf arf!" [He stands on a fire hydrant.]

Roach: Ho, ho!

[Edd, Eddy, Kev, Shope and Tyler come down on Ed and Roach with such force that Ed and Roach are  plunged into the pavement. The ground under them begins to bulge. Suddenly, the hydrant erupts, propelling them into the air.]

Kevin: "Hey, the Ed-weirdo brothers ain't too bad."

Jock: I gotta admit, they're no lame-o's after all. [recording it with his phone]

Twilight: How long do think the water pressure will go?

Eddy:[on top of the spout] "Thank you! Thank you very much! You're beautiful!"

The End.