Johnathon Meets Aladdin (1992) part 1 ( 13+)

[Fade from black. A tendril of purple mist in front of a wall of red flames. The mist forms into golden letters: "Johnathon meets Aladdin". The letters shimmer, then blow away. In a desert, a short peddler rides a camel, singing through the silent night as the opening credits roll]

Peddler: ♪ Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place ♪

♪ Where the caravan camels roam ♪

♪ Where it’s flat and immense, and the heat is intense ♪

(Original Theatrical/Soundtrack Version: ♪ Where they cut off your ear, if they don't like your face ♪)

♪ It's barbaric, but hey, it's home! ♪

♪ When the wind's from the east, and the sun's from the west, and the sand in the glass is right ♪

♪ Come on down, stop on by, hop a carpet and fly, to another Arabian night! ♪

[Over the dunes, we're shown the city of Agrabah. The palace absolutely dominates the view, while the peddler sings on, approaching the border of the city]

Peddler: ♪ Arabian nights, like Arabian days ♪

♪ More often than not, are hotter than hot ♪

♪ In a lot of good ways! ♪

[The camera pans through a city street, where a firebreather is performing his act. He breathes out flames, which transition us back to the peddler]

♪ Arabian nights, 'neath Arabian moons ♪

♪ A fool off his guard, could fall and fall hard ♪

♪ Out there on the dunes ♪

[The tired camel, panting and shaking on all of his four legs, collapses and his driver nimbly slides off his back. He clutches his hands as he addresses the viewer(s)]

Peddler: Ah, salaam, and good evening to you, worthy friend. (waving) Please, please, come closer.

[The camera zooms in and presses itself against the peddler's face]

Peddler: (uncomfortably) Ugh... Too close. A little too close.

[Thankfully, for all parties concerned, the camera is pulled back a bit]

Peddler: Ah, there. Welcome to Agrabah... (lights a flame) City of mystery... (clutching his camel's head) Of enchantment...

[He opens the pouch on the camel's back, which suddenly transforms into a fully decked out bazaar stall]

Peddler: And the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today. Come on down. Heh, heh.

[He pulls a rather conspicuous looking vase from the top of the stall]

Peddler: Look at this. Yes. Combination hookah and coffeemaker. (pressing it against a potato) Also makes julienne fries. Will not break. (taps it on table) Will not…

[Boing! The top end pops off]

Peddler: (deadpan) It broke. (casting it aside) Ohh! Look at this. (pulls out a box) I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen...

[He pries it open and, for effect, blows a raspberry]

Peddler: Ah, still good.

[It's clear now: we're not interested. The camera starts to pan away from the peddler, who hurriedly tries to catch up with us]

Peddler: (waving his hands) Wait, don’t go! (smiling) I can see that you’re only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think, then, you would be most rewarded to consider... this.

[The peddler pulls the now iconic magic lamp out from his sleeve, gently holding it in his hands]

Peddler: Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.

[Again, the camera pans away. The peddler doesn't give up though, once more struggling to stay into view of his potential buyer(s)]

Peddler: (anxiously) This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man’s life. A young man who, like this lamp, was more than what he seemed. (peering around, whispering) A diamond in the rough. (smiling) Perhaps you would like to hear the tale?

[The peddler pours shiny sand from the lamp into his hand...]

Peddler: It begins on a dark night…

[...and throws it into the sky, where it forms a starry nightscape.]

Peddler (vo): Where a dark man waits... with a dark purpose...

(The camera tilts down to an open part of the desert, where, perched above a sand mountain on top of a horse, an evil sorcerer, Jafar, is waiting. His companion, a parrot named Iago, is sitting still on his shoulder, while from the shadows, a rather disheveled man rides towards them. The newcomer, Gazeem, steps off his horse and looks up to the two]

Jafar: You... are late. Where hell were you?!

Gazeem: (bowing) A thousand apologies, O Patient One.

Jafar: You have it, then?

Gazeem: I had to slit a few throats, but I got it.

[He pulls out a medallion: the half of a Golden Scarab. Jafar reaches out for it, but Gazeem yanks it back]

Gazeem: Ah-ah-ahhh. (holding out his free hand) The treasure.

[Iago squawks as he flies by and grabs the medallion]

Gazeem: Ow!

Jafar: Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.

Iago: What's coming to you. Awk!

(Jafar pulls out the second half of the medallion. He connects them, forming a golden scarab. It comes to life and flies away.)

Jafar: Quickly, follow the trail!

(On horseback, the trio chase the medallion across the moonlit desert)

Jafar: Faster!

[The medallion splits in two, each half lodging into a sand dune. A towering tiger's head rises from the dune. The pieces of the scarab form its glowing eyes. The men's horses rear on their hind legs, throwing their riders off. Jafar grins as the tiger head opens its cavernous mouth]

[horse neighs]

[wind howling]

Jafar: At last, after all my years of searching... the Cave of Wonders.

Iago: Awk. Cave of Wonders!

Gazeem: (whispering) By Allah...

Jafar: Now, remember. Bring me the lamp! The rest of the treasure is yours, but the lamp... is mine.

[chuckles]

(Gazeem starts to approach the tiger’s mouth, which forms the entrance to the cave. He chuckles as he goes.)

Iago: Awk, the lamp. Awk, the lamp. (Now that Iago and Jafar are alone, Iago opens up in normal English.) Jeez, where'd ya dig this bozo up?

(Jafar puts his finger to his lips and shushes him. Gazeem creeps towards the oral entrance of the cave. He peers inside of the mouth as its tongue morphs into a staircase. He tiptoes around one of the tiger's fangs, but is blown away by the roar of the cave’s speaking.)

Cave: [echoing rumble] WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?

Gazeem: [thief gasps] It--it is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.

Cave: KNOW THIS. ONLY ONE MAY ENTER HERE. ONE WHOSE WORTH LIES FAR WITHIN. A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH.

(Gazeem turns to Jafar with a questioning look.)

Jafar: What are you waiting for? Go on.

[cave sighs]

(Gazeem hesitates, then moves one foot inside the cave. With great apprehension, he plants his foot down. Nothing happens. Relieved, he begins his trek again. Then another roar comes. He turns back, but the tiger’s mouth slams shut and the dune collapses back to normal. All that are left are Jafar, Iago, and the two separated halves of the medallion.)

Jafar: NOOOOOOO!

Cave: SEEK THEE OUT, THE DIAMOND - IN THE RIAMOND - IN THE ROUGH.

Iago: [coughing] I can't believe it. GOD DAMMIT! We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at this. Look at this. I'm so pissed off that I'm molting. (He pulls off some feathers and flies up to Jafar's shoulder.)

Jafar: Patience, Iago. Patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.

Iago: (extremely sarcastic) Oh, there's a big surprise. That's an incredi- I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise. What are we gonna do? We got a big problem here, a big-

[Jafar pinches his beak shut]

Jafar: Yessss... Only one may enter... I must find this one, this... diamond in the rough...

To Be Continue....