Erwin x Reader X Levi
WARNING: Future contents may contain mature/explicit gore or violence. Current chapter’s language may be slightly explicit (well, ’shit’ will be around). There is no skipping because otherwise you’d miss out some details... ._.
You were a proud member of the Military Police of Wall Sina. Your family owned a popular bakery that had been due in its tax payments and land rentals, and you—as the eldest female child of the working-class family—feel responsible and helpless in that situation. A new opportunity of working as an undercover spy for the Military Police opened up with great perks—all of which helps you and your family. You took it without thinking, hoping it would solve all your troubles. But as a spy, your memories of your family were wiped clean and you were thrown—after countless torture and all those sadistic devices—outside of the safety of the Walls. Before long, you were saved by the infamous Recon Corps but to what end? Was that your true purpose—to infiltrate the Recon Corps for the MP’s sake?!
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7
A NEW DREAM
You crawled your way further inside the tree hole till your back was against its rough splintered body; your hands reaching up towards your ears as tremors raked various limbs and organs—unintelligible cries muffled by the rainfall traveled through the dense forest outside and the sounds of giant footsteps slowly dissipated through the violent shaking of the ground. Some audible creaks could be heard too, coming from the trees as they vibrated through bumps and thuds of majestic, genderless bodies. Your safe-house tree shook just as vigorously with you shifting roughly side to side; you ended up scraping your nails against wood, trying to remain in the same and perhaps safest depth within the hole.
Your breaths were inhaled sharply through those stinging nostrils, seeing the creature coming from a distant: large and as tall as the giant trees, naked and humanoid, bipedal albeit asexual.
Swarms of these nude creatures came out of no where—maybe some from behind the trees—and they were heading straight towards you in a beeline; there was even a variety of appearance existing in this lot: most were taller than the rest, had bright or dark hair colour, female or male features and so on. You just didn’t think of it as good thing when vultures rush in for the carcass.
The only energy that you could rely on at that moment was fear and it was keeping you awake; you stared hopelessly that with each blinks they would disappear like hallucinations. But they just kept on coming and multiplied.
You could practically see the details of toenails slowly closing in from a distance and before long, all the footsteps have stopped—the rain being the only thing that pursued ahead. With that strange smile on their faces—their eyes as dark and onyx as a black hole, swallowed by insanity beyond madness—and that curving, thin lips as absent as a sarcastic and unmoving joke, it was terrifying your soul out of your body.
Then, the nudists kneeled before the trunk where you stayed hidden and they all began groaning in anguish. Some of them even began pressing their ears, rolled on the ground, and repetitively banged their heads on the forest floor. In fact, as you observed this strange gesture, a growl suddenly emerged far too close for comfort—it was coming from the tree itself. Or at least you thought so before the tree started to vibrate; while you was busy looking around in the barely four foot large tree hole, two pair of amber glowing eyes peeked from the outside. You felt its gaze upon your being and slowly spun around to look back at it, feeling already numbed.
Indeed, one of the naked creatures was small and near enough to make an extremely uncomfortable—if not, blinding—eye contact.
It had long dark hair, unkempt to frame the sharp features of its pale and contorted face; its body disproportionate to its head, it had smaller arms and legs than the rest—but those incisors (the only thing it had as teeth) all looked canine the same. You didn’t think to examine the features properly to notice that it had claws as nails. So it took a while for your to process exactly what was happening; your body’s trembling worsened from before as shock prevented every fibre of muscles to move.
“Coommee ooonnn ooouuuttt,” groaned the creature, much to your surprise; it didn’t occur to be the speaking kind at first instance.
“N-no!” you couldn’t believe you argued at it; legs curled to your chest, arms hugging your knees as you scooted further back into the tree. You just kept on doing this, even when your back was already shuffling against the tree walls. “S-stay away from m-me!”
“Coommee oouutt.”
“I said no! Just leave me alone!”
That last line was shouted out from the top of your lungs, earning an equally audible howl from the nudists; but the one nearest to you—you’ll call it a deviant one for this purpose—kept staring at you. Some of them even pound the ground and stormed towards you, yet the Deviant growled and hissed back them. These rebellious creatures would stumble on the ground at the Deviant’s actions, and then bowed unwillingly at it. You even thought they called it Ymir.
But nonetheless, an argument broke out between them in gibberish roars and their cries were so loud—louder than the rain or thunder—as it reverberated through every atom in the air and into your eardrums. Terribly frightened, you curled up into a fetal position, reached out for your ears again and covered them tightly—even to the point heating pain.
You could only wish in the desperate whisper of your own heartbeats for them to stop.
You couldn’t stop thinking about Commander Nile Dawk since you two first met in the underground; he seemed like a troubled man, with many burdens on his shoulders that at times you think he would just crawl all over the grounds just to reach destination utopia.
But such desperation you similarly found in Squad Leader Erwin Smith as well.
Of course, you also felt somewhat familiar whenever you were close to the Military Police’s boss—almost as if you two had met previously.
Anyway, all suspicions aside, you and your senior comrade in arms were invited to have lunch with the said Commander at his humble home, as his apology to you since you were kidnapped in his jurisdiction.
His home was a three-story townhouse amongst the elite society’s residence, on the West Side of the Imperial Capital; it had several running servants (you were greeted at the door by an old, scrawny butler) that consisted of young footmen and carriage drivers—not to mention, you heard them talking about a dozen servants already working at the pantry. It was no doubt that a Commander of the Military Police was living in the luxury of worldly pleasures and good health, and no wonder that there had only been five of them to date.
So, of course you thought it was nice of him to have prepare these rare and meaty delicacies cooked by his wife—you hadn’t had any protein in years so it was more than enjoyable, sinful to a fault. You had perhaps enjoyed about more than two servings of steaks, several meat loaves and a great share of beef stew—let’s not forget the (though not intoxicating) countless glasses of red wine. The company at his home was equally welcoming; his wife was meek and exquisite of a person. Her rare coloured hair with those piercing and thorough gazes of eyes made her shine beautifully, and the way she spoke softly and with caressing demand was nothing like that of a higher-class lady, but distinguishable no less. She was even dressed with fine silk and satin, making you cringe in jealousy.
Throughout lunch, you noticed how she tried to converse directly with Squad Leader Smith; she spoke well, choosing careful selection of kind words that was drenched in empathy and seasoned with love—with a strange mix of apology. You could tell that they had some history together. But of course, whenever you stared too much, Mike would intervene and erupt into a laugh as he told you of a joke. Oddly enough, Commander Dawk would join in too, shifting in his seat and scratching his face awkwardly. Then, Erwin would glance at you—in that same love-tinge of apology.
When all of you were finished, his wife then excused herself to the kitchen and you—the naughty, curious cat that you were—decided to freshen up at the powder room next to said kitchen; and you couldn’t believe what you heard.
A deluge of painful, bitter tears that was accompanied by heartbroken sobs.
Your instinct was driving your thoughts wild—so she did had a relationship with Erwin and now had chosen Nile over him. So she was trying to keep their friendship while Erwin was ignoring her pleas, so—
“[f/n],” you were startled by a knock on the door; you were washing your hands at the sink, nearly splashing the water all over your uniform—thank God that didn’t happen. That voice belonged to Mike, the comic relief of any intense communication—you nearly growled at the thought of his improvisations; “It’s time to leave,” he informed you.
You let out a fake chuckle; “Y-yup, I’m almost ready!” then you began to smell each one of the three perfumes in glass canisters left ready by the hand towel.
“Don’t hover around,” Mike said again—almost like he saw through that move, “This is not your house, you know?”
“I-I know that!” you took up the lid of one that smelt like magnolias and caramel, dousing your wrists with it.
“So you like magnolias, eh?”
“Mike, mind your goddamn business!”
As you opened the door, Mike jumped you by grabbing your wrists, sniffing them while he pulled you away; “Smells good on you,” he smirked.
“Well, a girl always knows what’s best for her!”
Mike was caught off guard by that; you could still hear the same sobs you were listening to earlier slowly fading away. He heard that and you could tell, and your suspicions of that were affirmed as he curtly went on, “It’s not easy, is it?”
“What is?”
“To be a woman.”
You narrowed your [e/c] eyes sadly before you nod; you took it that Mike was referring to what you had been thinking about as you prodded, “H-how long has it been since she—”
“I don’t know,” his words were slurred as he shrugged, “Erwin doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“I bet she doesn’t like it too. But hey, we all have to move on, right—one way or the other?”
“Yeah, but Erwin’s way of moving on has got to do with running away. He just has bigger plans than laying low like this.”
You nodded in understanding, “Maybe for her sake...”
“No,” Mike placed a hand over your shoulder as you both began walking through the hallway, “He does everything for everyone’s sake...”
You both were greeted by Commander Dawk and Erwin’s grim expression; they were just talking one second and the moment you and Mike appeared in the corner of their peripherals, their words evaporated and their lips sealed. As always, it was Mike who improvised.
“Alright! The lady is here and ready, so... Shall we?” he walked past the two of them and you followed, even though you could tell that they were bickering.
You and the three men rode the same carriage that Commander Dawk owned; it was large enough to fit all four of you—studded with leather seats and golden trims along its edges, it was no doubt expensive.
The journey through the clean, cobbled streets of Wall Sina’s overground was heavy with nothingness and silent without any words spoken—not even Mike dared to speak up. You even thought you heard your own heart beat, together with that of Mike who sat beside you, Erwin before you and the Military Police’s Commander beside him. You couldn’t even pay attention to look outside, as your gaze was paralysed within the confines of the car. It took forever for you to reach the end of Wall Sina’s limits and for the carriage driver to announce the arrival; you got out first, immediately straightening out your uniform, and followed by Mike and Erwin through the door you left opened.
Whatever that bickering was about earlier, it must be very sensitive—Commander Dawk had to use the other door.
As a woman, you felt as though you were trapped to ensure that everything was smooth—most especially your exit. This was your first visit to Wall Sina and you felt as though you didn’t need it to be your last.
“Thank you so much for your time, Commander Dawk,” you said as you spun around suddenly; the three men behind you startled. All of you were standing by the exit gate of Wall Sina, about to enter the territory of Wall Rose and eager to bid farewell to each other. You reached out your hand once more to the said Commander, who stood the farthest, and smiled as you stand before him, “I had a great time—well, my kidnapping aside, of course!”
He returned your smile sincerely; you could tell he appreciated your improvisation as much as he did of Mike, “You’re very welcome, Miss Baumwurf. Look, if you need any hand while in Wall Sina, I’ll do my best to help. Please don’t hesitate to call me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind! I wouldn’t want to make this my last visit!”
“I assure you, with what Wall Sina has to offer, it won’t be,” a confident smirk grew on his lips.
You pulled your hands away instinctively—
it was heavy, almost like it was limb and infected with the poison of his rough touch.
You gulped down that annoying nervous lump in your throat; “R-right,” you laughed—but it failed to sound comfortable, “O-of course... I haven’t seen the most of it! I think we both know that the overground has as much to offer as the underground...”
You thought it was a smart move to deflect that anxiety—and it worked.
“A-about that,” he was nervous this time, “Are you sure those thugs didn’t do anything else?”
“You mean other than attempting to rob me? No!”
“It’s just that... they’re an infamous criminal group of orphans and it seemed strange that you escaped them unscathed! They always want something in return! It seems funny to me that they took you away from your colleagues just to steal!”
“Well, I reckon that’s because they couldn’t handle two, large men from the Recon Corps,” you let out a sigh, “I mean, let’s not forget what the Corps represents—suicidal lunatics was what one of the civilians called us—and they were perhaps well aware that these men were armed and ready for a 3DMG battle. They’re at better odds with a single woman than with three Recon Corps officers at the same time...”
He froze for a while.
You took his smirk away from his face and now wear it on yours; crossing your arms to your chest, you shook your head.
“I’m sorry,” you sputtered out, hoping it didn’t appear obvious that you were protecting that Levi guy, “But I think you know I’m right...”
He nodded sheepishly; his dark eyes loomed over a straight reminder of the way you handled him, “A woman’s never exempted to love, is she?”
It was you who froze this time.
“I mean,” he shrugged his shoulders; eyes prying up to see that Erwin and Mike had spared you both more time, “Marie’s always deserving more and I don’t know I am up to that.... whenever I—no, we—see Erwin.”
“Commander Dawk,” you called; your voice was shaky, laced with a venomous confusion.
He whipped his head up suddenly and whispered as he stepped closer to you, “We always said the best man would wins the woman; but the best man didn’t win... The best man walked away.”
That was a shocker.
It didn’t occur to you that he would even share something like that with you; you gulped once more before nodding—sweats dripped down the sides of your cheeks.
You took a step back and laughed, “All’s fair in love and war, sir! That’s all I can tell you!”
Before he could say anything to that, you immediately walked off, raised your hand with a wave and joined Mike’s side; of course, your Recon Corps counterparts stared at you dubiously, wondering just what went on between you two.
After returning from Wall Sina, you were required to fill up several forms regarding your joining the Recon Corps, but it should be a clean-cut progress—since you had no parents for them to ask consent from or even to notify should anything happened to you. It was now sunset and you had some spare time in the waiting room in the Corps’ base (actually this was Squad Leader Smith’s office); you had some tea in your hand, watching as the sky turned murky red, orange tangerine with a splash of pastel lavender. It was a scene you loved as it reminded you of the time when you were in the custody of some really mean hospital, but the company you had back then were so naive and kind.
At that time, even you yourself were naive—you were constantly confused and second-guessing who you really are; even when Hange said that you could renew your life since you cannot remember, it almost felt as if you were on a very tight leash.
Three years had passed since, but still you feel so horribly attached to want to remember.
“And that Levi guy in the underground,” you thought out loud, “He knew who I was?”
Right at that moment, the door behind you opened; it gave you such a start that the saucer and cup in your hands plunged to the ground, scattered into tea drenched, broken shards of porcelain.
“I am so sorry!” Erwin closed the door behind him and rushed to your aid; he quickly slammed the papers in his hands to his desk and stood right at the scene of the accident.
“I-I should be the one a-apologising!” you gasped, crouching to the floor and trying to pick up some shards—only to cut yourself. “Ouch!”
“You shouldn’t have done that!”
His large, calloused hands picked up your wounded digits; it startled you when his warm tongue slid out of his mouth, licking that oozing blood through your lacerated skin. You trembled gently—as much as you wish you could control it, it was rather ticklish.
“I’m terribly sorry for this,” he voiced; if your hand was made of glass, it would’ve been watery with the vapours of his breaths. He pulled it closed to his lips, kissing your fingers and knuckles, before he smiled suddenly, “But you’re pretty stubborn, aren’t you?”
You blushed, “Well, like I said, I should be the one who apologised... I’m the one who broke the cup, right?”
“Yes, and who knows what more if you keep up your accident prone self!”
“It was your fault that I jumped, anyway!”
He let out a laugh, one that left you awestruck at the sound of it, “Hence my apology!”
“Alright,” you sighed as you stood up, “It was your fault and I forgive you.”
He chuckled before going off to grab a broom that was leaning against a bookcase by the door and brushed the haphazard shards into the dustpan. He left it outside by his office door for the janitors to collect, before returning to attend you; to his suprise, you stood there in front of his desk with yours arms folded to the back and legs parted slightly—a formal stance, that was what it was.
You didn’t see it, but a smirk shaped on his lips and his crystal oculars softened its gaze.
“So, you decided to join the Recon Corps despite what you went through?” he said as he walked past you and towards the high-back leather chair behind his desk; you then shifted into a salutation posture as he came into your view.
“Yes, Squad Leader Smith, sir!” you answered him with a bellow.
He threw his head up at you and waved, “At ease, soldier.”
“Sir,” you greeted and let your arms fall to your sides.
“Please, [f/n], take a seat.”
“Thank you, s-sir.”
You ignored how cheerful his blue eyes sparkled at your direction and proceeded to listen to him as you take up a seat; he went through the papers he carried with him before this and inhaled deeply.
“You know, it’s actually good to see you again!” he smiled gently, “I understand you graduated third place from the Training Corps because—”
“Because I had an attitude of kicking the sorry ass—I mean, bums of my fellow teammates?”
“You mean, your bullies, right?”
“They like to think it’s friendly name-calling among others.”
Erwin nodded solemnly, “Yes, I’ve heard of your ordeal during the test previously... It’s why Commander Shadis have sent me to you.”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“Erwin.”
“I-I’m sorry?”
The smile tugged at the ends of his lips widened as he leaned in, “Call me Erwin, please.”
It took you by surprise that he was willing to go on first name basis with you—when it comes to official stuffs, that is.
You didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not, but you had feeling it had to do with him calling you here after you signed your forms.
An overwhelmed gaze reflected in your eyes, filled with a drop of amusement and ease; you nodded your head repeatedly, blushing in embarrassment, “Ah, of course...”
“What I meant was, Commander Shadis has heard about what happened during your test and is very much concerned. While it was impressive that you had managed to take down three cut-out titans with only one gas supply, the fact that it was a deliberate act from your bullies show that there need be some form of respect if you join this Corps. Therefore, he wishes to promote you as Squad Leader immediately.”
“What?” you exclaimed, nearly louder than you wanted it to be and received a jump from the man; you sheepishly shrugged at that. But at least now you were aware of why they came for you at the Academy and you apologized, “I’m sorry, Erwin, I didn’t mean to startle you! But I just don’t want to attract more attention to myself than I already have. I’d rather start as a normal, ordinary soldier despite my extraordinary circumstance...”
“Well, I understand that very much,” his serious tone had you bawling over your decision.
“But can’t I work alongside with you or something? I’m sure I could accept something like that and you could make me run as many errands as a squire—truthfully, I don’t care! I just want a normal and ordinary position within the Corps. Let me brush shoulders with newbie or sharpen my skills as I am, not as an advanced person. Can’t the Commander think of something like that? Besides, you could keep an eye on me just the same...”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“Isn’t that the reason why he’s willing to make me a Squad Leader?”
“Do elaborate,” the amusement in his voice made your shiver with anger, as if he was intrigued that he was dealing with someone who turned out to be intelligent.
You inhaled sharply before continuing, “I have a suspicious background and the incident during my test have only made things worst. I’m sure that even when I was awarded the number three position of all the other graduates, there has been pressure within all the three branches as to where I’d be heading—it’s probably even why I was awarded to enter the top ten, so that people could keep an eye on me.
Furthermore, when I chose to join the Recon Corps, Commander Shadis must’ve been pressured by his higher-ups to keep an eye on me and thus, making me a Squad Leader, he’d have his eye on me all the time. But I have a problem with this arrangement and that is the unwanted attention gathered by the others. So I have to refuse this!”
You whipped your head up, catching Erwin’s mysterious gaze of elation as he nodded repeatedly.
You realised then that he was testing you.
“However,” you went on with it anyway, “If I had maintained a lower position but working with or under you, then I would’ve served both of us our purposes and intentions. It’s a win-win.”
You waited for his reply eagerly and desperately since his silence had driven you mad; you began fiddling with your fingers as they rest on your thighs, hoping he hadn’t noticed. But with his snaking eyes, you thought he must’ve.
“I'm impressed,” he praised as his hand cupped his chin and his eyes boring into yours, “You’re very good at this.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” was all you could managed from your puzzled facade.
“That is exactly what’s happening right now. I’m glad I’m spared from explaining,” he paused as the look of annoyance and offence was displayed on your firm face and quickly quipped, “I meant it in good faith!”
You thought that he better meant it like that as you looked away, a single sweat dripped down your temple.
“Anyway,” he proceeded by clearing his throat before the awkward silence got to the two of you, “That is what’s happening right now and seeing as you’ve suggested exactly what I have suggested him, then I’d be glad to accept you as a colleague.”
“You mean—”
His charming smile was getting to you; “Yes, I thought you’d say no to the first offer as Squad Leader because you don’t strike me as someone who’d want more attention to herself than you already have. So you’d ask for something less appealing, but equally benefiting to the purpose of your joining the Recon Corps.”
“So I’m—”
He nodded his head happily as he stood up and by reflex, you did the same; he then walked towards you, standing tall over your figure, before he reached out for a handshake, “So you’ll be working alongside me and Mike where you’ll work as part of my team. I hope you’ll accept this instead—I assure you, no one’s going to ever bully you in my Squad.”
“I-It’s amazing that you a-actually thought this out,” you reached out for his large and sturdy hand, blushing slightly at how your nimble digits seemed to have sunk beneath his. But you nodded anyway, “Well then, I look forward to working with you!”
“Same here,” he flashed you another smile, “I’ll show you to your quarters afterwards.”
“Thanks,” you lowered your head, wondering what else could be on his mind; you noticed he was still holding you hand, running his fingers against your palm, caressing half-circles to them that made you blush. “I-Is there a-anything y-you—” you huffed out a sorry breath, “Is there anything you need from me?”
You mentally gasped at the sound of your question.
Without realizing it, you had turned beet red like a tomato by now.
Erwin chuckled, letting your hand loose and you ran your own fingers at the place where he had kept his; suddenly, he cupped your chin so you’ll look right at him, “I just have one more question...”
You ended up staring straight into his dreamy blue eyes—they were best described as the very field of cloud nines. You gulped as they narrowed a little, his breathing eased and his hold on your chin disappeared; but neither of you realized that you were only mere inches of each other.
“What did Nile—” he left the question hanging as he stepped forward, nearly closing the distance between you; he played with a stray lock of hair beside your ear and tucked it behind, continuing on, “What did Commander Dawk say to you before we left for Sina?”
“What?” you croaked.
“I know you decided to steer away from Mike and I because you sensed that Nile had a fight with me. So what did he say?”
“W-well, h-he was just—”
“I also know you know about Marie and I.”
Mike must had told him about you and that powder room incident; you bit your lips critically, feeling cornered like a prey and god—you hated that feeling. No, you hated it when Erwin does it to you and he knows.
“H-he said nothing,” you lied through a gritted jaw and your eyes slithered to their corners, “H-he was s-still curious... a-about those thugs so he—”
“He didn’t give you that best man speech now, did he?”
“Tell me, in all honesty as a woman,” his breath against your face, fanning your skin like waves crashing the shore, “Do you believe what he said?”
Your oculars were opened wide at that statement.
“I-I—”
Your breaths were inhaled sharply through those stinging nostrils, seeing the creature coming from a distant: large and as tall as the giant trees, naked and humanoid, bipedal albeit asexual.
You could feel death in the air, taste its rusty and bitter flavour on the grains of your tongue.
You were stuck with no where to go—no where safe, that is.
You had wakened up in this tree hole
with no idea who you were, what you were doing or how you got here; these nudists were the only thing greeted you like breakfast.
Swarms of these nude creatures came out of no where—maybe some from behind the trees—and they were heading straight towards you in a beeline; there was even a variety of appearance existing in this lot: most were taller than the rest, had bright or dark hair colour, female or male features and so on. You just didn’t think of it as good thing when vultures rush in for the carcass.
They wanted to devour you, alive—was how your farrago mind computed the situation.
You could practically see the details of toenails slowly closing in from a distance and before long, all the footsteps have stopped—the rain being the only thing that pursued ahead. With that strange smile on their faces—their eyes as dark and onyx as a black hole, swallowed by insanity beyond madness—and that curving, thin lips as absent as a sarcastic and unmoving joke, it was terrifying your soul out of your body.
Then, the nudists kneeled before the trunk where you stayed hidden and they all began groaning in anguish. Some of them even began pressing their ears, rolled on the ground, and repetitively banged their heads on the forest floor. In fact, as you observed this strange gesture, a growl suddenly emerged far too close for comfort—it was coming from the tree itself. Or at least you thought so before the tree started to vibrate; while you was busy looking around in the barely four foot large tree hole, two pair of amber glowing eyes peeked from the outside. You felt its gaze upon your being and slowly spun around to look back at it, feeling already numbed.
Indeed, one of the naked creatures was small and near enough to make an extremely uncomfortable—if not, blinding—eye contact.
It had long dark hair, unkempt to frame the sharp features of its pale and contorted face; its body disproportionate to its head, it had smaller arms and legs than the rest—but those incisors (the only thing it had as teeth) all looked canine the same. You didn’t think to examine the features properly to notice that it had claws as nails. So it took a while for your to process exactly what was happening; your body’s trembling worsened from before as shock prevented every fibre of muscles to move.
“Coommee ooonnn ooouuuttt,” groaned the creature, much to your surprise; it didn’t occur to be the speaking kind at first instance.
“N-no!” you couldn’t believe you argued at it; legs curled to your chest, arms hugging your knees as you scooted further back into the tree. You just kept on doing this, even when your back was already shuffling against the tree walls. “S-stay away from m-me!”
“Coommee oouutt.”
“I said no! Just leave me alone!”
That last line was shouted out from the top of your lungs, earning an equally audible howl from the nudists; but the one nearest to you—you’ll call it a deviant one for this purpose—kept staring at you. Some of them even pound the ground and stormed towards you, yet the Deviant growled and hissed back them. These rebellious creatures would stumble on the ground at the Deviant’s actions, and then bowed unwillingly at it. You even thought they called it Ymir.
But nonetheless, an argument broke out between them in gibberish roars and their cries were so loud—louder than the rain or thunder—as it reverberated through every atom in the air and into your eardrums. Terribly frightened, you curled up into a fetal position, reached out for your ears again and covered them tightly—even to the point heating pain.
You could only wish in the desperate whisper of your own heartbeats for them to stop.
* * *
You couldn’t stop thinking about Commander Nile Dawk since you two first met in the underground; he seemed like a troubled man, with many burdens on his shoulders that at times you think he would just crawl all over the grounds just to reach destination utopia.
But such desperation you similarly found in Squad Leader Erwin Smith as well.
Of course, you also felt somewhat familiar whenever you were close to the Military Police’s boss—almost as if you two had met previously.
Anyway, all suspicions aside, you and your senior comrade in arms were invited to have lunch with the said Commander at his humble home, as his apology to you since you were kidnapped in his jurisdiction.
His home was a three-story townhouse amongst the elite society’s residence, on the West Side of the Imperial Capital; it had several running servants (you were greeted at the door by an old, scrawny butler) that consisted of young footmen and carriage drivers—not to mention, you heard them talking about a dozen servants already working at the pantry. It was no doubt that a Commander of the Military Police was living in the luxury of worldly pleasures and good health, and no wonder that there had only been five of them to date.
So, of course you thought it was nice of him to have prepare these rare and meaty delicacies cooked by his wife—you hadn’t had any protein in years so it was more than enjoyable, sinful to a fault. You had perhaps enjoyed about more than two servings of steaks, several meat loaves and a great share of beef stew—let’s not forget the (though not intoxicating) countless glasses of red wine. The company at his home was equally welcoming; his wife was meek and exquisite of a person. Her rare coloured hair with those piercing and thorough gazes of eyes made her shine beautifully, and the way she spoke softly and with caressing demand was nothing like that of a higher-class lady, but distinguishable no less. She was even dressed with fine silk and satin, making you cringe in jealousy.
Throughout lunch, you noticed how she tried to converse directly with Squad Leader Smith; she spoke well, choosing careful selection of kind words that was drenched in empathy and seasoned with love—with a strange mix of apology. You could tell that they had some history together. But of course, whenever you stared too much, Mike would intervene and erupt into a laugh as he told you of a joke. Oddly enough, Commander Dawk would join in too, shifting in his seat and scratching his face awkwardly. Then, Erwin would glance at you—in that same love-tinge of apology.
When all of you were finished, his wife then excused herself to the kitchen and you—the naughty, curious cat that you were—decided to freshen up at the powder room next to said kitchen; and you couldn’t believe what you heard.
A deluge of painful, bitter tears that was accompanied by heartbroken sobs.
Your instinct was driving your thoughts wild—so she did had a relationship with Erwin and now had chosen Nile over him. So she was trying to keep their friendship while Erwin was ignoring her pleas, so—
“[f/n],” you were startled by a knock on the door; you were washing your hands at the sink, nearly splashing the water all over your uniform—thank God that didn’t happen. That voice belonged to Mike, the comic relief of any intense communication—you nearly growled at the thought of his improvisations; “It’s time to leave,” he informed you.
You let out a fake chuckle; “Y-yup, I’m almost ready!” then you began to smell each one of the three perfumes in glass canisters left ready by the hand towel.
“Don’t hover around,” Mike said again—almost like he saw through that move, “This is not your house, you know?”
“I-I know that!” you took up the lid of one that smelt like magnolias and caramel, dousing your wrists with it.
“So you like magnolias, eh?”
“Mike, mind your goddamn business!”
As you opened the door, Mike jumped you by grabbing your wrists, sniffing them while he pulled you away; “Smells good on you,” he smirked.
“Well, a girl always knows what’s best for her!”
Mike was caught off guard by that; you could still hear the same sobs you were listening to earlier slowly fading away. He heard that and you could tell, and your suspicions of that were affirmed as he curtly went on, “It’s not easy, is it?”
“What is?”
“To be a woman.”
You narrowed your [e/c] eyes sadly before you nod; you took it that Mike was referring to what you had been thinking about as you prodded, “H-how long has it been since she—”
“I don’t know,” his words were slurred as he shrugged, “Erwin doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“I bet she doesn’t like it too. But hey, we all have to move on, right—one way or the other?”
“Yeah, but Erwin’s way of moving on has got to do with running away. He just has bigger plans than laying low like this.”
You nodded in understanding, “Maybe for her sake...”
“No,” Mike placed a hand over your shoulder as you both began walking through the hallway, “He does everything for everyone’s sake...”
You both were greeted by Commander Dawk and Erwin’s grim expression; they were just talking one second and the moment you and Mike appeared in the corner of their peripherals, their words evaporated and their lips sealed. As always, it was Mike who improvised.
“Alright! The lady is here and ready, so... Shall we?” he walked past the two of them and you followed, even though you could tell that they were bickering.
You and the three men rode the same carriage that Commander Dawk owned; it was large enough to fit all four of you—studded with leather seats and golden trims along its edges, it was no doubt expensive.
The journey through the clean, cobbled streets of Wall Sina’s overground was heavy with nothingness and silent without any words spoken—not even Mike dared to speak up. You even thought you heard your own heart beat, together with that of Mike who sat beside you, Erwin before you and the Military Police’s Commander beside him. You couldn’t even pay attention to look outside, as your gaze was paralysed within the confines of the car. It took forever for you to reach the end of Wall Sina’s limits and for the carriage driver to announce the arrival; you got out first, immediately straightening out your uniform, and followed by Mike and Erwin through the door you left opened.
Whatever that bickering was about earlier, it must be very sensitive—Commander Dawk had to use the other door.
As a woman, you felt as though you were trapped to ensure that everything was smooth—most especially your exit. This was your first visit to Wall Sina and you felt as though you didn’t need it to be your last.
“Thank you so much for your time, Commander Dawk,” you said as you spun around suddenly; the three men behind you startled. All of you were standing by the exit gate of Wall Sina, about to enter the territory of Wall Rose and eager to bid farewell to each other. You reached out your hand once more to the said Commander, who stood the farthest, and smiled as you stand before him, “I had a great time—well, my kidnapping aside, of course!”
He returned your smile sincerely; you could tell he appreciated your improvisation as much as he did of Mike, “You’re very welcome, Miss Baumwurf. Look, if you need any hand while in Wall Sina, I’ll do my best to help. Please don’t hesitate to call me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind! I wouldn’t want to make this my last visit!”
“I assure you, with what Wall Sina has to offer, it won’t be,” a confident smirk grew on his lips.
You pulled your hands away instinctively—
it was heavy, almost like it was limb and infected with the poison of his rough touch.
You gulped down that annoying nervous lump in your throat; “R-right,” you laughed—but it failed to sound comfortable, “O-of course... I haven’t seen the most of it! I think we both know that the overground has as much to offer as the underground...”
You thought it was a smart move to deflect that anxiety—and it worked.
“A-about that,” he was nervous this time, “Are you sure those thugs didn’t do anything else?”
“You mean other than attempting to rob me? No!”
“It’s just that... they’re an infamous criminal group of orphans and it seemed strange that you escaped them unscathed! They always want something in return! It seems funny to me that they took you away from your colleagues just to steal!”
“Well, I reckon that’s because they couldn’t handle two, large men from the Recon Corps,” you let out a sigh, “I mean, let’s not forget what the Corps represents—suicidal lunatics was what one of the civilians called us—and they were perhaps well aware that these men were armed and ready for a 3DMG battle. They’re at better odds with a single woman than with three Recon Corps officers at the same time...”
He froze for a while.
You took his smirk away from his face and now wear it on yours; crossing your arms to your chest, you shook your head.
“I’m sorry,” you sputtered out, hoping it didn’t appear obvious that you were protecting that Levi guy, “But I think you know I’m right...”
He nodded sheepishly; his dark eyes loomed over a straight reminder of the way you handled him, “A woman’s never exempted to love, is she?”
It was you who froze this time.
“I mean,” he shrugged his shoulders; eyes prying up to see that Erwin and Mike had spared you both more time, “Marie’s always deserving more and I don’t know I am up to that.... whenever I—no, we—see Erwin.”
“Commander Dawk,” you called; your voice was shaky, laced with a venomous confusion.
He whipped his head up suddenly and whispered as he stepped closer to you, “We always said the best man would wins the woman; but the best man didn’t win... The best man walked away.”
That was a shocker.
It didn’t occur to you that he would even share something like that with you; you gulped once more before nodding—sweats dripped down the sides of your cheeks.
This was a test.
He was testing you—to see if you would budge, react or even fluster.
No, you can’t let him distort your mind.
You took a step back and laughed, “All’s fair in love and war, sir! That’s all I can tell you!”
Before he could say anything to that, you immediately walked off, raised your hand with a wave and joined Mike’s side; of course, your Recon Corps counterparts stared at you dubiously, wondering just what went on between you two.
Even if that made you not want to return to Wall Sina,
something annoyingly told you that you would return soon enough.
***
After returning from Wall Sina, you were required to fill up several forms regarding your joining the Recon Corps, but it should be a clean-cut progress—since you had no parents for them to ask consent from or even to notify should anything happened to you. It was now sunset and you had some spare time in the waiting room in the Corps’ base (actually this was Squad Leader Smith’s office); you had some tea in your hand, watching as the sky turned murky red, orange tangerine with a splash of pastel lavender. It was a scene you loved as it reminded you of the time when you were in the custody of some really mean hospital, but the company you had back then were so naive and kind.
At that time, even you yourself were naive—you were constantly confused and second-guessing who you really are; even when Hange said that you could renew your life since you cannot remember, it almost felt as if you were on a very tight leash.
Three years had passed since, but still you feel so horribly attached to want to remember.
“And that Levi guy in the underground,” you thought out loud, “He knew who I was?”
Right at that moment, the door behind you opened; it gave you such a start that the saucer and cup in your hands plunged to the ground, scattered into tea drenched, broken shards of porcelain.
“I am so sorry!” Erwin closed the door behind him and rushed to your aid; he quickly slammed the papers in his hands to his desk and stood right at the scene of the accident.
“I-I should be the one a-apologising!” you gasped, crouching to the floor and trying to pick up some shards—only to cut yourself. “Ouch!”
“You shouldn’t have done that!”
His large, calloused hands picked up your wounded digits; it startled you when his warm tongue slid out of his mouth, licking that oozing blood through your lacerated skin. You trembled gently—as much as you wish you could control it, it was rather ticklish.
“I’m terribly sorry for this,” he voiced; if your hand was made of glass, it would’ve been watery with the vapours of his breaths. He pulled it closed to his lips, kissing your fingers and knuckles, before he smiled suddenly, “But you’re pretty stubborn, aren’t you?”
You blushed, “Well, like I said, I should be the one who apologised... I’m the one who broke the cup, right?”
“Yes, and who knows what more if you keep up your accident prone self!”
“It was your fault that I jumped, anyway!”
He let out a laugh, one that left you awestruck at the sound of it, “Hence my apology!”
“Alright,” you sighed as you stood up, “It was your fault and I forgive you.”
He chuckled before going off to grab a broom that was leaning against a bookcase by the door and brushed the haphazard shards into the dustpan. He left it outside by his office door for the janitors to collect, before returning to attend you; to his suprise, you stood there in front of his desk with yours arms folded to the back and legs parted slightly—a formal stance, that was what it was.
You didn’t see it, but a smirk shaped on his lips and his crystal oculars softened its gaze.
“So, you decided to join the Recon Corps despite what you went through?” he said as he walked past you and towards the high-back leather chair behind his desk; you then shifted into a salutation posture as he came into your view.
“Yes, Squad Leader Smith, sir!” you answered him with a bellow.
He threw his head up at you and waved, “At ease, soldier.”
“Sir,” you greeted and let your arms fall to your sides.
“Please, [f/n], take a seat.”
“Thank you, s-sir.”
You ignored how cheerful his blue eyes sparkled at your direction and proceeded to listen to him as you take up a seat; he went through the papers he carried with him before this and inhaled deeply.
“You know, it’s actually good to see you again!” he smiled gently, “I understand you graduated third place from the Training Corps because—”
“Because I had an attitude of kicking the sorry ass—I mean, bums of my fellow teammates?”
“You mean, your bullies, right?”
“They like to think it’s friendly name-calling among others.”
Erwin nodded solemnly, “Yes, I’ve heard of your ordeal during the test previously... It’s why Commander Shadis have sent me to you.”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“Erwin.”
“I-I’m sorry?”
The smile tugged at the ends of his lips widened as he leaned in, “Call me Erwin, please.”
It took you by surprise that he was willing to go on first name basis with you—when it comes to official stuffs, that is.
You didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not, but you had feeling it had to do with him calling you here after you signed your forms.
An overwhelmed gaze reflected in your eyes, filled with a drop of amusement and ease; you nodded your head repeatedly, blushing in embarrassment, “Ah, of course...”
“What I meant was, Commander Shadis has heard about what happened during your test and is very much concerned. While it was impressive that you had managed to take down three cut-out titans with only one gas supply, the fact that it was a deliberate act from your bullies show that there need be some form of respect if you join this Corps. Therefore, he wishes to promote you as Squad Leader immediately.”
“What?” you exclaimed, nearly louder than you wanted it to be and received a jump from the man; you sheepishly shrugged at that. But at least now you were aware of why they came for you at the Academy and you apologized, “I’m sorry, Erwin, I didn’t mean to startle you! But I just don’t want to attract more attention to myself than I already have. I’d rather start as a normal, ordinary soldier despite my extraordinary circumstance...”
“Well, I understand that very much,” his serious tone had you bawling over your decision.
“But can’t I work alongside with you or something? I’m sure I could accept something like that and you could make me run as many errands as a squire—truthfully, I don’t care! I just want a normal and ordinary position within the Corps. Let me brush shoulders with newbie or sharpen my skills as I am, not as an advanced person. Can’t the Commander think of something like that? Besides, you could keep an eye on me just the same...”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“Isn’t that the reason why he’s willing to make me a Squad Leader?”
“Do elaborate,” the amusement in his voice made your shiver with anger, as if he was intrigued that he was dealing with someone who turned out to be intelligent.
You inhaled sharply before continuing, “I have a suspicious background and the incident during my test have only made things worst. I’m sure that even when I was awarded the number three position of all the other graduates, there has been pressure within all the three branches as to where I’d be heading—it’s probably even why I was awarded to enter the top ten, so that people could keep an eye on me.
Furthermore, when I chose to join the Recon Corps, Commander Shadis must’ve been pressured by his higher-ups to keep an eye on me and thus, making me a Squad Leader, he’d have his eye on me all the time. But I have a problem with this arrangement and that is the unwanted attention gathered by the others. So I have to refuse this!”
You whipped your head up, catching Erwin’s mysterious gaze of elation as he nodded repeatedly.
You realised then that he was testing you.
Why was it everyone in the military was testing you whenever you’re one-on-one with them?
Just why was it necessary to test you?
Are you a pawn in their own game of chess and you don’t even know until it’s too late?
“However,” you went on with it anyway, “If I had maintained a lower position but working with or under you, then I would’ve served both of us our purposes and intentions. It’s a win-win.”
You waited for his reply eagerly and desperately since his silence had driven you mad; you began fiddling with your fingers as they rest on your thighs, hoping he hadn’t noticed. But with his snaking eyes, you thought he must’ve.
“I'm impressed,” he praised as his hand cupped his chin and his eyes boring into yours, “You’re very good at this.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” was all you could managed from your puzzled facade.
“That is exactly what’s happening right now. I’m glad I’m spared from explaining,” he paused as the look of annoyance and offence was displayed on your firm face and quickly quipped, “I meant it in good faith!”
You thought that he better meant it like that as you looked away, a single sweat dripped down your temple.
“Anyway,” he proceeded by clearing his throat before the awkward silence got to the two of you, “That is what’s happening right now and seeing as you’ve suggested exactly what I have suggested him, then I’d be glad to accept you as a colleague.”
“You mean—”
His charming smile was getting to you; “Yes, I thought you’d say no to the first offer as Squad Leader because you don’t strike me as someone who’d want more attention to herself than you already have. So you’d ask for something less appealing, but equally benefiting to the purpose of your joining the Recon Corps.”
“So I’m—”
He nodded his head happily as he stood up and by reflex, you did the same; he then walked towards you, standing tall over your figure, before he reached out for a handshake, “So you’ll be working alongside me and Mike where you’ll work as part of my team. I hope you’ll accept this instead—I assure you, no one’s going to ever bully you in my Squad.”
“I-It’s amazing that you a-actually thought this out,” you reached out for his large and sturdy hand, blushing slightly at how your nimble digits seemed to have sunk beneath his. But you nodded anyway, “Well then, I look forward to working with you!”
“Same here,” he flashed you another smile, “I’ll show you to your quarters afterwards.”
“Thanks,” you lowered your head, wondering what else could be on his mind; you noticed he was still holding you hand, running his fingers against your palm, caressing half-circles to them that made you blush. “I-Is there a-anything y-you—” you huffed out a sorry breath, “Is there anything you need from me?”
You mentally gasped at the sound of your question.
Without realizing it, you had turned beet red like a tomato by now.
Erwin chuckled, letting your hand loose and you ran your own fingers at the place where he had kept his; suddenly, he cupped your chin so you’ll look right at him, “I just have one more question...”
You ended up staring straight into his dreamy blue eyes—they were best described as the very field of cloud nines. You gulped as they narrowed a little, his breathing eased and his hold on your chin disappeared; but neither of you realized that you were only mere inches of each other.
“What did Nile—” he left the question hanging as he stepped forward, nearly closing the distance between you; he played with a stray lock of hair beside your ear and tucked it behind, continuing on, “What did Commander Dawk say to you before we left for Sina?”
“What?” you croaked.
“I know you decided to steer away from Mike and I because you sensed that Nile had a fight with me. So what did he say?”
“W-well, h-he was just—”
“I also know you know about Marie and I.”
Shit.
Mike must had told him about you and that powder room incident; you bit your lips critically, feeling cornered like a prey and god—you hated that feeling. No, you hated it when Erwin does it to you and he knows.
“H-he said nothing,” you lied through a gritted jaw and your eyes slithered to their corners, “H-he was s-still curious... a-about those thugs so he—”
“He didn’t give you that best man speech now, did he?”
Chest to chest.
That was how close you were.
If he would get any closer or if anything would ever close that distance, you would break and crack under that pressure.
“Tell me, in all honesty as a woman,” his breath against your face, fanning your skin like waves crashing the shore, “Do you believe what he said?”
Your oculars were opened wide at that statement.
“I-I—”
God, your voice sounded pathetic.
Your throat was dry, parched beyond thirst, with the way Erwin—no, with the way your Squad Leader confronted you.
“I-I actually—” your second attempt was silenced by the sight of Erwin lowered himself.
But praise to titans, the door flung opened and banged as it hit the wall behind it.
“My dear Tita has returned!!!”
Both you and Erwin took a step back, welcoming Hange with a frightened as well as shocked look.
You sheepishly scratched you cheek as Hange took up her arms and wrapped you against her body tightly; “I-It’s good to see you too, Hange!”
“Gah, I had been dying to see you, my dear friend!” Hange rubbed her cheeks against yours while moving you away from Erwin, “Erwin has kept you under his clutches, it seems...”
Erwin chuckled darkly as he went back to his seat behind the table, “Whatever you say, Hange!”
“Are you done briefing her?”
“I barely briefed her,” he purred slightly, azure orbs trailed over to you in the briefest of moments.
But you were daring enough to grab Hange by the wrists and dragged her out; “Come on then, Hange!” you laughed, “Let’s get to it! I haven’t even began to tell you half of my stories yet!”
“Yay! We’re gonna have so fun now! You have no idea how dull it is here without you!” she cried out as she closed Erwin’s door behind the two of you.
Of course, it was even more difficult to get off the clutches of Hange; her interest in you was worst than of Erwin (or anyone for that matter), which she believed was strengthened due to her lack of visits to you and due to the stories that surround your trainee years. She couldn’t stop asking you questions about your actions or even cooed in support of you—she even forget her part as a friend and colleague to show you around (she even got lost herself).
By nightfall, you were freed from her hold—only because a young man named Moblit came up to take her away (for some highly classified experiment); but anyhow, you had to meet up with Erwin about your quarters (because Hange had no idea where you’ll be assigned to) and duties for the next day.
So, you had managed to ask around—well, rather difficultly as everyone knew who you were and tried to avoid you—and reached to the same door where you left earlier with Hange. In fact, the door was left slightly ajar and voices came out of the room as you approached.
“Damn that Darius! I can’t stand this so much so I’ll resign if they want me to! Erwin, you'll be a better Commander than I am, I'm sure of it!” an old man growled; a loud bang resounded, startling you, but remained quiet as you listened in.
“Sir, please,” you recognised that voice as Erwin’s, “There is nothing to worry about. He’s already half-way through my bait.”
“You’re referring to the Long-Distance Formation plan? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“He would like to see its effectiveness, so he will be in support of us.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that they want us to die! They’re just worried of the money!”
“I’ll work my way out around this.”
“I can’t imagine how.”
“I have my ways. I told you before during our ride in the carriage and I will tell you again: I will pull some strings among the politicians and I will have them convinced to let us go again.”
A silence from the old man; “Alright, I’ll leave that to you,” a sigh escaped his tired lips, “What about those thugs from the underground? Have you seen what they’re like? Can they be useful?”
“Yes, but for that too I’ll have to pull some strings. Perhaps an old, corrupted noble like Nicholas Lobov would be a great bait,” you heard Erwin let out a grunt; footsteps soon followed and you quickly headed towards the edge of the hallway, hiding behind a wall. You could hear a creak from his door opening and the same old voice asking if something was wrong; “It’s nothing, sir,” he mumbled and slowly shutting the door, “I thought someone—”
You peered your head over the wall and sighed in relief as well; it was dinnertime anyway so the fact that no one came up here except for these two persons, you knew their conversations were secretive.
You pinched yourself in the thigh.
Shrugging, you decided to ignore that urge to creep up and listen to the whole damn thing; you were hungry anyway, so maybe it was best that you visit Erwin after dinner.
The midnight hour was filled with steamy vapours of night-lamps in late night overworked offices, caroused mumbles of drowse and livid replies demanding silence in the dimlight bunkers; all windows were drawn away from their curtains, to allow the silver moonlight to slither into the rooms—providing a kind of comfort that eased any warring thoughts of fighting against titans or even the thoughts of being homesick in the forsaken Recon Corps.
Soldiers stirred restless and listless in their bed amongst other things—but you.
But you stirred away from your warm and coveted blankets, feet dangling by the bed—only to pull up your ready boots by the sides.
Your unsure steps shuffled silently in the shadows, headed for the coat hanger where several green cloaks hanged ready; your nimble hand reached out and placed one over you—making sure you put on that hood—before turning the knob ever so still and quietly through the night.
Eyes pressed (and remained) closed, you now moved into the hallways outside, past every unopened doors and empty rooms.
Just at the last exit of the quarters building, you bumped into a waking, typical looking female soldier of golden hair and blue eyes.
“Hey! Watch where you’re—” her face was stunned. “Y-you’re T-Titania, right? S-Sorry about t-that... As you were!”
You nodded curtly and continued on, eyelids fluttering under a clamping seal.
The soldier snorted before walking off, “I can’t believe she sleepwalks. I can’t wait to tell the boys about this!”
As far as you were concerned, the night was still very young.
After riding up a paid carriage to enter Wall Maria in a three hours journey, you had been standing still and waiting for the arrival of an expected meeting at one of the grey concrete structure—you were no way near the gates, in case anyone would approach. The cold air was prevented from leaking into your skin by the cloak you grabbed onto earlier, but still you shivered slightly anyway.
Suddenly, a bumpy roll of carriage wheels rocked the path and drove past you rather slowly—as if making sure it was seeing you.
When it stopped a few yards ahead of you, the tall and lithe body of a man walked out. It was none other than Commander Nile Dawk of the Military Police.
He looked about at first for any conspicuous characters before heading straight for you with long and wide strides. Then, he was only a foot away from you—he was hoping to see you by the looks of it.
“So...” he said softly as he admired the wall behind you, “This is the place where it all started, right?”
But his question was left unanswered—heck, as he looked down to you, you were sound asleep.
Your throat was dry, parched beyond thirst, with the way Erwin—no, with the way your Squad Leader confronted you.
“I-I actually—” your second attempt was silenced by the sight of Erwin lowered himself.
Double shit.
But praise to titans, the door flung opened and banged as it hit the wall behind it.
“My dear Tita has returned!!!”
Both you and Erwin took a step back, welcoming Hange with a frightened as well as shocked look.
Who could forget her high-pitched, sing-song voice anyway?
No, how else could you appreciate that voice other than when you’re caught in these kind of situation?
You sheepishly scratched you cheek as Hange took up her arms and wrapped you against her body tightly; “I-It’s good to see you too, Hange!”
“Gah, I had been dying to see you, my dear friend!” Hange rubbed her cheeks against yours while moving you away from Erwin, “Erwin has kept you under his clutches, it seems...”
Erwin chuckled darkly as he went back to his seat behind the table, “Whatever you say, Hange!”
“Are you done briefing her?”
“I barely briefed her,” he purred slightly, azure orbs trailed over to you in the briefest of moments.
You didn’t have time—nay, the courage—to look him in the eye and rebuff that.
“Yay! We’re gonna have so fun now! You have no idea how dull it is here without you!” she cried out as she closed Erwin’s door behind the two of you.
Of course, it was even more difficult to get off the clutches of Hange; her interest in you was worst than of Erwin (or anyone for that matter), which she believed was strengthened due to her lack of visits to you and due to the stories that surround your trainee years. She couldn’t stop asking you questions about your actions or even cooed in support of you—she even forget her part as a friend and colleague to show you around (she even got lost herself).
By nightfall, you were freed from her hold—only because a young man named Moblit came up to take her away (for some highly classified experiment); but anyhow, you had to meet up with Erwin about your quarters (because Hange had no idea where you’ll be assigned to) and duties for the next day.
So, you had managed to ask around—well, rather difficultly as everyone knew who you were and tried to avoid you—and reached to the same door where you left earlier with Hange. In fact, the door was left slightly ajar and voices came out of the room as you approached.
“Damn that Darius! I can’t stand this so much so I’ll resign if they want me to! Erwin, you'll be a better Commander than I am, I'm sure of it!” an old man growled; a loud bang resounded, startling you, but remained quiet as you listened in.
“Sir, please,” you recognised that voice as Erwin’s, “There is nothing to worry about. He’s already half-way through my bait.”
“You’re referring to the Long-Distance Formation plan? What’s that got to do with anything?”
“He would like to see its effectiveness, so he will be in support of us.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that they want us to die! They’re just worried of the money!”
“I’ll work my way out around this.”
“I can’t imagine how.”
“I have my ways. I told you before during our ride in the carriage and I will tell you again: I will pull some strings among the politicians and I will have them convinced to let us go again.”
A silence from the old man; “Alright, I’ll leave that to you,” a sigh escaped his tired lips, “What about those thugs from the underground? Have you seen what they’re like? Can they be useful?”
“Yes, but for that too I’ll have to pull some strings. Perhaps an old, corrupted noble like Nicholas Lobov would be a great bait,” you heard Erwin let out a grunt; footsteps soon followed and you quickly headed towards the edge of the hallway, hiding behind a wall. You could hear a creak from his door opening and the same old voice asking if something was wrong; “It’s nothing, sir,” he mumbled and slowly shutting the door, “I thought someone—”
You peered your head over the wall and sighed in relief as well; it was dinnertime anyway so the fact that no one came up here except for these two persons, you knew their conversations were secretive.
You pinched yourself in the thigh.
You can’t be rude and sneak up like that.
That wasn’t how you were going to be like in this Corps—
what was wrong with you, to overhear people’s conversation like that?
Shrugging, you decided to ignore that urge to creep up and listen to the whole damn thing; you were hungry anyway, so maybe it was best that you visit Erwin after dinner.
***
The midnight hour was filled with steamy vapours of night-lamps in late night overworked offices, caroused mumbles of drowse and livid replies demanding silence in the dimlight bunkers; all windows were drawn away from their curtains, to allow the silver moonlight to slither into the rooms—providing a kind of comfort that eased any warring thoughts of fighting against titans or even the thoughts of being homesick in the forsaken Recon Corps.
Soldiers stirred restless and listless in their bed amongst other things—but you.
You thought you were just like them—one of them.
But you stirred away from your warm and coveted blankets, feet dangling by the bed—only to pull up your ready boots by the sides.
Your unsure steps shuffled silently in the shadows, headed for the coat hanger where several green cloaks hanged ready; your nimble hand reached out and placed one over you—making sure you put on that hood—before turning the knob ever so still and quietly through the night.
Eyes pressed (and remained) closed, you now moved into the hallways outside, past every unopened doors and empty rooms.
Just at the last exit of the quarters building, you bumped into a waking, typical looking female soldier of golden hair and blue eyes.
“Hey! Watch where you’re—” her face was stunned. “Y-you’re T-Titania, right? S-Sorry about t-that... As you were!”
You nodded curtly and continued on, eyelids fluttering under a clamping seal.
The soldier snorted before walking off, “I can’t believe she sleepwalks. I can’t wait to tell the boys about this!”
As far as you were concerned, the night was still very young.
After riding up a paid carriage to enter Wall Maria in a three hours journey, you had been standing still and waiting for the arrival of an expected meeting at one of the grey concrete structure—you were no way near the gates, in case anyone would approach. The cold air was prevented from leaking into your skin by the cloak you grabbed onto earlier, but still you shivered slightly anyway.
Suddenly, a bumpy roll of carriage wheels rocked the path and drove past you rather slowly—as if making sure it was seeing you.
When it stopped a few yards ahead of you, the tall and lithe body of a man walked out. It was none other than Commander Nile Dawk of the Military Police.
He looked about at first for any conspicuous characters before heading straight for you with long and wide strides. Then, he was only a foot away from you—he was hoping to see you by the looks of it.
“So...” he said softly as he admired the wall behind you, “This is the place where it all started, right?”
But his question was left unanswered—heck, as he looked down to you, you were sound asleep.
As he sighed out, patting you on the shoulder and leaned in; his lips was barely touching the shell of your ear as he whispered out, “Oberon’s changeling.”
Your [e/c] eyes stretched wide as you let out a wheezing gasp, gagging out of a choking hold around your jugular before falling on your two knees; he stood there, just watching as you slammed your fists into the ground, collecting mud-balls as you tried to grasp the situation and time. You shoved away the hood over your head, with your orbs still widened and nostrils flaring to catch the air, and your short [h/c] bangs hung over your eyes—steep shadows swallowing them into aghast reality.
“What is your name, soldier?” he sternly asked with that no-nonsense look on his face.
A stinging headache began searing its way through your skull and at this, you pressed your fingers against your scalp.
“I-I—” you couldn’t speak up.
“Tell me your name, soldier!”
Then it all came down to you; your head, your mind splitting into both confusion and clarity—an idea burst into your head that you were a soldier of the Military Police, that you had been informed to carry out espionage and therefore rehabilitated through vigorous torture and suffering, that you suddenly know who you were. Your name was [f/n] [l/n], you had three younger siblings, doting parents working at a bakery that your family owned; you were also aware that you had just gone through six years of military training—the first one led to you joining the MP while the second had you joined the Recon Corps.
Despite being clear about your intentions, your sincere emotions had been raked up by the contorting reality of the very same thing—
Why did you volunteer to be so deceiving and conniving?
Why did you lie to all those people if you knew—Hange, Mike and Erwin?
And all those lies for the sake of someone else?
No, how could you not know?
“What’s your name?” Commander Dawk’s voice was stern, annoyed at best.
You couldn’t look him in the eye.
You couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror.
But then—
Yes, that’s right; you did it for your family.
You had to—
If you stop reporting your duties now, if you would so much as to think or even feel sorry for the Recon Corps, then your family—
Laboured panting continued and you then finally stuttered; “M-my name is [f/n][l/n]... of t-the 84th Trainee Squad of y-year 840, sir!” you could look him in the eyes now as you said the following more clearly, “Reporting for duty.”
He huffed out a breath as he nodded; he collected his arms behind his back as he straighted it out, saying, “What’s your current status report, Private [l/n]?”
“Commander Shadis is looking to resign, sir. He wishes that Squad Leader Smith takes his place,” you slowly began to stand on your two feet but your bucking knees had him reached out and hold you straight.
You waved him off; feeling slightly awkward with that incident, he looked away and coughed out a question, “And have you got anything on Smith?”
“No, sir. Not yet.”
“Anything I should know about him?”
“He has a way with words, sir.”
The Fifth Commander of the Military Police covered his face with his hand in a gesture of frustration, “Ugh. Tell me something I don’t know...”
You stifled a giggle as you asked, “Sir?”
“Continue,” he mumbled in his hands.
“He had managed to convince the Generalissimo Darius Zacklay by using the front of his new formation—the ‘Long-Distance Detection’. He intends to use it for the next expedition, but Generalissimo is torn between the politicians. I hear Nicholas Lobov’s name being mentioned, though I haven’t gathered much intel on that, sir. He’s also interested in the thugs we saw earlier in Sina’s underground.”
Of course, this was hard.
You couldn’t believe your own ears—no, not even your own mouth!?
But you can’t show resistance now!
“What?" the Commander whipped his head up and frowed, "You mean, those thugs with 3DMG? What for?”
“He wishes that they join the Corps. Their talents with those gears could be useful to us, to the Recon Corps.”
“Private [l/n], be honest with me... You said earlier that they didn’t do anything to you, that they just—”
“Wanted to rob me, yes,” you tried to keep up that confident, smug look on your face by withholding a gulp of fear of being caught in your throat; your [e/c] oculars moved up to his gaze as you added, “I’ll reiterate: they didn’t do anything else other than attempting to rob me.”
He let out an angry scoff, “[f/n], please. Do you actually know them?”
“They’re street kids, sir—they know everyone.”
“But did you personally know them?”
“I used to give food out to them,” you said without flinching.
“[f/n], are they a threat?”
You bit your lips with equal rage; “No, sir,” your voice unwavering, “You have nothing to worry about.”
There was a pause. The cold air was filled with singing crickets and snoozing bed-ridden shopkeepers in the houses nearby; Commander Nile Dawk wasn’t even looking at you and you could tell that he remained suspicious.
You couldn’t possibly risked more people into this mess you’re in.
Sighing, you straightened your back, puffed out your chest, parted your legs a little and slammed a fist your clavicle; your fastidious eyes locked with his as you lied, “They are not a threat, sir. They don’t even know my name.”
Did he saw through that lie or
would he put up with it?
“Alright, [f/n]. I trust you,” Commander Nile Dawk patted your shoulder, “We’ll wrap this up, but you still need to dig deeper.”
“H-how is Commander Olav, sir?” you curtly queried, just to change the air.
You knew that you would only be activated to spy only when the then Lieutenant Nile Dawk would be made Commander—it’s why you’re here.
But it’s just that—
everything was like a dream—about being in the Forest of Giant Trees, being saved by the Recon Corps, owing to them.
The only reality to you now was that you had painfully gone through torture just so they were sure you would submit to their wills and visions.
The only reality to you now was that you were on a mission and you can’t go back without completing—or rather without breaking many hearts of your treacherous betrayal.
You gulped that long needed lump down your air pipe.
Then the Commander let out a dreary sigh, “You’re not supposed to ask me that... I’m the Commander now, it’s why you were activated.”
“Sir,” you held your breath for this one, “Is my family alright?”
His stare turned haphazardly into a menacing glare, but only briefly; “Like I said, you shouldn’t be asking me those things,” he pressed his temple now, “Just focus on the mission, [f/n]. Now what’s the exit code?”
Of course. They also gave codes that corresponded to roles or characters or incidents in a certain play, but you just can’t place which one.
“Puck’s potion,” you grimaced suddenly as the same headache unravel once more, “A-approval code, sir?”
“Lysander’s eyes.”
You suddenly fell on the ground; each part of your body growing limb, your blood running slow and stale, and your breath hitching ever so slightly before you started to pant.
You startled out of your convulsions as you heard a screeching neigh and the carriage you saw earlier whisked away into the night, leaving you cold and disillusioned.
Then.
You blanked out.
You had no idea wonder where you were and thank God you had your uniforms on, otherwise those Garrison officers would screw around with you (or those abusive drunken civilians, whom you may gladly beat up). You then had to ask around for a way back to the Corps quarters, sneaking into your bunk before the morning bell.
You had no idea what happened or how you got out or—
why?
