Things I need to get ready this week:
Gatsby Test
SAT prep
T-Shirt Design
Things I need done by the end of the weekend:
Sociology Project
Extra SAT prep
Dance Choreography
Espanol en la Calle
Study Chp 7&8 of Calculus for unit test
...
FML.
And I think I'm missing one too.
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Newest
don't
1 min read
run.
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GOLLY
1 min read
LAST JOURNAL WAS A BUCKET OF JOY WASN'T IT
LETS BUMP THAT SHIT OFF AND HAVE SOME RANTING ABOUT HOMEWORK
I HATE HOMEWORK.
I GUESS SATs SUCK TOO.
PEACE OUT, I WANNA DRAW GOD DAMMIT LOL
LETS BUMP THAT SHIT OFF AND HAVE SOME RANTING ABOUT HOMEWORK
I HATE HOMEWORK.
I GUESS SATs SUCK TOO.
PEACE OUT, I WANNA DRAW GOD DAMMIT LOL
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please don't read.
3 min read
its horrible long ranting about something thats my own fault and im complaining truck loads but if I don't let it out somehow I'm gonna end up breaking something.
I'm failing AP chemistry. And its starting to affect everything else too. I'm too nervous to focus on any of my other work anymore, i always always always need to study chem but its never enough, I can't sit still to study because I'm too worried about not studying enough and its an endless cycle of fucking myself over and i can't bring myself to complain to real people who'll try to comfort me anymore because I complain too much. and my counselor's not letting me drop because I signed the contract but at this rate if I don't suck it up and just say gimme the drop eff im gonna end up getting Fs in all my classes and drop out of high school and never go to college and my boyfriend will break up with me cause im stupid and im gonna end up a hobo and die early because i fail at making decisions and or focusing.
IM SO SICK OF DEPENDING ON OTHER PEOPLE. I blame my dad for this. he never lets me do something myself. he's like let me carry this or oh no you don't have to do that I'll do that. its small things but it builds up and spoils me. and im just like dad let me do it and he's like no you should study. but i can't really study cause of CHEMISTRY so im trying to take breaks helping out around the house so i can do something useful but NOOO. and he's always like LETS DO MATH SAT and im just like FUCK THAT IM GONNA GET LIKE 600 ANYWAY EVEN THO IM IN CALC BC CAUSE IM A RETARD AND ALL YOU GUYS DID WAS HOLD MY HAND AND WALK ME THROUGH EVERYTHING. I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING ON MY OWN. I'M GONNA DIE IN COLLEGE (as if i'll ever get there in my life ever) and maybe im being horribly DRAMATIC like that time i broke a 2k viola when i tripped on it and freaked out that my mom was gonna kill me so i talked about suicide. and then the teacher refused to give me a bandaid if i was gonna act like that so i said go away i don't need you and i limped off to wash off blood off my leg. but being dramatic helps me bear with things kinda. or it makes it worse but w/e. if im too chill about it i feel like its gonna bite my ass and go like HAHAHA ITS WORSE THAN YOU THOUGHT, FUCKER YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW.
but god am i that helpless? I've been trying so hard to just depend on myself lately, because its what I'll have to adapt to eventually and I know it. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know what to do. I've never felt so lost in my life, not even last year compared to this.
I don't have anyone who can help me.
I'm failing AP chemistry. And its starting to affect everything else too. I'm too nervous to focus on any of my other work anymore, i always always always need to study chem but its never enough, I can't sit still to study because I'm too worried about not studying enough and its an endless cycle of fucking myself over and i can't bring myself to complain to real people who'll try to comfort me anymore because I complain too much. and my counselor's not letting me drop because I signed the contract but at this rate if I don't suck it up and just say gimme the drop eff im gonna end up getting Fs in all my classes and drop out of high school and never go to college and my boyfriend will break up with me cause im stupid and im gonna end up a hobo and die early because i fail at making decisions and or focusing.
IM SO SICK OF DEPENDING ON OTHER PEOPLE. I blame my dad for this. he never lets me do something myself. he's like let me carry this or oh no you don't have to do that I'll do that. its small things but it builds up and spoils me. and im just like dad let me do it and he's like no you should study. but i can't really study cause of CHEMISTRY so im trying to take breaks helping out around the house so i can do something useful but NOOO. and he's always like LETS DO MATH SAT and im just like FUCK THAT IM GONNA GET LIKE 600 ANYWAY EVEN THO IM IN CALC BC CAUSE IM A RETARD AND ALL YOU GUYS DID WAS HOLD MY HAND AND WALK ME THROUGH EVERYTHING. I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING ON MY OWN. I'M GONNA DIE IN COLLEGE (as if i'll ever get there in my life ever) and maybe im being horribly DRAMATIC like that time i broke a 2k viola when i tripped on it and freaked out that my mom was gonna kill me so i talked about suicide. and then the teacher refused to give me a bandaid if i was gonna act like that so i said go away i don't need you and i limped off to wash off blood off my leg. but being dramatic helps me bear with things kinda. or it makes it worse but w/e. if im too chill about it i feel like its gonna bite my ass and go like HAHAHA ITS WORSE THAN YOU THOUGHT, FUCKER YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW.
but god am i that helpless? I've been trying so hard to just depend on myself lately, because its what I'll have to adapt to eventually and I know it. But I can't. I just can't. I don't know what to do. I've never felt so lost in my life, not even last year compared to this.
I don't have anyone who can help me.
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AW MAN
1 min read
SCHOOL'S EATING ME ALIVE BUT I WANNA DRAWNALWKEJRALK
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