Pain

Pain

Every morning I wake up and wish it would end
Because I look around and realize that I have no friends.
I go to bed and close my eyes,
And pray to the next day that I do not rise
To suffer through another day
Where I must pretend to be okay.
I don’t want to go on
I feel I’ve been here for far too long.
I’m tired of crying myself to sleep,
And of trying to bury the pain so deep.
Because it never goes, but always stays,
It kills me cold from where I lay.
It eats away every part of me,
And pulls out every painful memory.
And so the pain keeps me awake,
Forever drowning in a lake.
Haunting every dream and every thought,
Chasing sanity away and everything I sought.
It clings to me when I’m here,
This underlying current of fear.
I’ve messed up and now I want it to end,
Because I have lost my only friend.
And I see no point in carrying on,
When all I believed in has proved me wrong.
Will I stay or will I go?
If I’m truly healed, you will never know.
I count the days until the end,
When I can finally see my only friend.
Then the pain will go away
To haunt me again some other day.
But now I must lay here and wait,
To see if closure will be my fate.
Perhaps closure of mortality’s sake
For it is no longer mine to take.
I for sake it all and beg it to leave
To make pretend everything I believe
Maybe then I’ll be okay,
When I don’t see the next day.