Fantasygerard2000

Sup peeps With new years coming around the corner, i just wanna say a few words surrounding my 'current situation.' First off, i am not officially back. Just because i started writing journals informing my viewers and watchers about my absence for over a year, doesn't mean i'm back at uploading again when that is not the case. Second, i am active on my facebook, twitter, tumblr and discord tho I don't engage as much as i do in my main art accounts. I recently upload traditional art on my facebook, they are not exactly as good as my old traditional art as i plan on digitalizing those pieces. Speaking of which, i sorta recently gotten into a creative rut when it comes to drawing lately. I pretty much drew most of my ideas onto paper, made even new characters i wanna show. There are some ideas I haven't drawn yet, it's just this burnout on drawing so much on a traditional medium that i need to get my over a year ago sketches to be digital and colored. While i can start drawing on a new idea like a TF comic i've had in my head for days, i just don't have the motivation to do so. Maybe i will, i have doubts its gonna be soon: Thirdly, the computer still hasn't been fixed yet, and i have doubts that my dad is ever gonna fix it soon. Let alone but a new one cuz computers are, no cap, hella costly. Even a simple cheap old laptop would cost me an arm and leg. Right now, the state of the computer is a mess to best describe it. Its parts are removed and are placed around the house. The desk is collecting dust and cat fur. And, that's pretty much it. Right now, my options, which are limited, is to try and be optimistic about getting a new computer or laptop soon, which hasn't exactly been working since my computer broke last November. Right now, i am hoping that at least some family members send me an old but functioning laptop that i claim sole ownership for because let's be real here, if you have a long butt project you are forced to put on hold for a long time, and when you have the unlimited free time and chance to finish it, sharing that time isn't exactly gonna bring out the sunshine and puppies in you. I apologize for this journal's tone. Writing it has made me loose some steam i've been holding in for months. As much as I don't like being unable to share a complete drawing again, i am somewhat relief at the pressure of being committed to post art on a unscheduled schedule. Still, i do miss interacting with my fellow artist peeps. There's just so much to do and thinking about them too much is stressing me. To end on a somewhat brighter note, i all wish you readers a jolly holiday and a happy new year. Keep up the best of what you have and can do. Be sure to help and encourage others in need when it. Stay safe, and stay creative you little creatures.

Hola. So, it's been like a year since i last upload my latest art. Well, it ain't exactly my latest since, i posted it like one year from now. Anyways, if there's any of my watchers asking where i've been. Here's why. I already explained this in my previous journals, which were also a year ago, but here's a recap. Last November, my family computer broke down and won't turn on. This isn't the first time any computers i had and own decides to put itself into a coma. I had numerous laptops that worked functionally til they didn't. Either the battery chord was too loose, it's an old model that's easily overheated or like my last laptop, buggy as hell. But, this one is like the final boss of computer malfunctions i had faced previously. Because it was the family computer and while it had been rebooted many times before, even have certain parts repaired and replaced, but alas. It decides to kick the bucket. Now, i'm no expert on computers to know why it ain't working like it used to. Basically, it can turn on, the monitor displays some logo it was made from, the CPU lights up and the fan does it thing and then, nothing happened. Just a black screen and there's nothing what my dad can do. The computer used to just shut down and restarts automatically before, same thing happened to my previous devices, this one is just much of a bigger issue then the previous times. My dad told me that we're pretty much need to replaced the whole thing, and buying a new computer is a lot more costly. So, yeah. I had to unexpectedly say goodbye to my files, my games and my art again. After that, i have gotten into a sort of depression. I used to try wake up early just so i can be the first to sit down at the computer to either check my notifications and work and post art, but what was the point to get up early when there's nothing to do at that time. Well, chores just so your mom won't yell at you for doing them later but still, i was very pooped out for months. At that period, my mood to draw was just gone. For months i just hole my self up in my room, laying in bed and distract myself from anything related to art cuz it reminded me on how much i was missing out on things and how some ideas i had on paper won't be post digitally later. And the fact that my computer broke during the rise of A.I art didn't exactly help. Many artists i follow leave to other art sites i do not have an account on. So yeah, i was hella bummed out with no plan and no motives. Just waiting and hoping for something good to come into my life. One day, i snapped myself out of that state. I thought about how mopping around ain't gonna bring you a miracle. I had a list of art ideas i wrote that needed to be drawn, so in order to get myself out of that misery burrito, i picked up my supplies and draw. And my passion to draw has been restored. Well, mostly restored, because even though i crossed out most of the things on my art list and filled up at least two sketchbooks, there's this need to finish them digitally. Cuz after you spent a year of not having your drawings having color on them, you gettin cray-cray. And while my art looks fine, it just ain't to me at least cuz these pieces are meant to be drawn digitally. Still, i just continue to draw and post them on my facebook and some discord servers i was in. And if you're wondering why I couldn't just post them as they are, i can but couldn't. Cuz without the major things like lighting and colors, these pieces lack context. Also not helped that app version of DA is hard to navigate. Okay, here's the part where i talk about self reflection and how spending a year not being able to be active on a site you have your main art account can change you, and boy it did. Looking back at my experiences throughout the years, i was pretty much not a good person mentally and socially. As much as i want as many friends to make and share art, it comes with this unrealistic expectation that just because you're being nice to one artist and make fanart of them, doesn't mean they're gonna do the same thing back to you. This is called parasocialism, and after learning about it and looking back at my experiences on art, that's when hindsight was at its peak. Not just to some people who follow me, but to myself as well. We're all lonely in a sense that we needed to be in a group, a kind with others that share the same interests with you. However, while this may sound idealic, it has its issues that we overlooked because accepting that a person you follow doesn't like the things you like and in general was never a good person is difficult. We all cling to this idealized comfort, but we're only suffocating ourselves. As much as i like to make art for people i like because seeing them happy makes me happy, i need to stop that otherwise i delude myself into thinking that they'll repay me. Relationships are not transactional, and i come to realize that very late, but i'm glad i learned it anyways, even if it means no longer enjoying the things i used to enjoy. So, present time. Not being to draw digitally sucks more orbs than a blackhole can but since it's been a year this whole thing started, i am pretty much in contempt about it cuz i can still post my art, it's just not on my main art accounts and not as elaborate as my digital pieces, but i can still share my art. My current goal is to just finish my art ideas list so that once i am able to have my own laptop, i can work on them digitally and post them cuz, they're a lot. And also when i am able to return to DA, there's going to he some changes. An example is unfollowing artists, whom are great and talented, but are just people whom i don't remember seeing their work a lot or even posting. So, less is better. I'll also be deleting some old art and journals. While it's nice to see my improvement, they were made during a period where i was not exactly proud of or have unpleasant experiences in hindsight. As for things related to fandoms, i'm just gonna engage with them less because after the things i know this year, it's best to be at the right distance. So, yeah. Peace out.

Hey readers If ur wonderin why i haven't been active on this site, its because my computer hasn't been repaired since november last year This journal is to inform people that i didn't left of sorts, just didn't frequent it as i did on a computer So yeah, i'm not dead or anything, just going through some stuff atm I do miss interacting with some peeps here and posting art Pretty much bummed out that i been missing out on some uploads by my fellow artist friends Hopefully, my computer will get fixed soon or just get a new one cuz it old af Btw, i been active on facebook and twitter, just lettin u know This has been FG, hope to see u soon