Travel or Not: That's the Question

“Make sure your 5 point harness is fastened securely. You must hear a click to ascertain they are correctly connected.”
“Once the harness is fastened, attach your helmet, again, making sure the locking mechanisms click home. Please do keep in mind that one should not eat at least 8 hours before activating….”

The safety warning video droned on and on, and I only kind of paid attention to it, so eager was I to get the set up process done and actually USE the stupid machine. 

I’d received an inheritance from my—yes my strange and now dead uncle—and going out to get the individual time machine had been one of the things I’d purchased with my new funds. Our family was not poor, but time machines were still that much more expensive, that even we had to save up for one.

There were also, of course, rumors that they were dangerous, foolhardy, and there was the perennial complaint that they tempted young people(like myself naturally) to mischief and miscreance. Whatever. 

I did not consider myself foolhardy, because I at least read the instructions and watched the warning video all the way through before going through it again, following each step. I knew at least that much. Edward Stockingham had used his time machine without watching the warning video, and though he made it back, he’d shut himself in his apartments and hadn’t come out yet, that I’d heard of. 

After the warnings about having an empty stomach, to avoid puking in one’s helmet, the warnings seemed to become more bizarre and abstract, leaving me scratching my head. 

“Wear the mouth guard, which you should have put on before the helmet, to keep your teeth in place.” What?

“Turn the green flag on the dorsal fin so it’s hanging at an exact 45 degree angle, and you must make sure the dorsal fin is locked in place. 

“Make sure your toes are crossed in your boots, and laces laced only ¾ of the way up. Be warned that these should be the boots that came with the time capsule. We are not liable for what happens when you use any other footwear.”

“When you push start, make sure your arms are crossed over your chest, left hand on top of right. Fingers must be crossed, and in the provided gloves.”

On and on it went, until I started to lose track of what I must and mustn’t do. Finally, it came to the end with this statement: “Finally, we are not liable for any baldness, eye color change, scarification, change in hearing, eyesight, stature, weight, age, knowledge or life experiences. Be warned, you take this trip on your own peril.”

The video came to an end and I sat back. The long list of precautions played back in my head and suddenly a niggling feeling in the back of my mind warned me that today was not a good day for time travel. Maybe not ever. 

I reboxed it all and stuck it in the back of our garage, where no one could find it. As far as I know, it is still there.