Visible Bi+ launched in March 2022 as a volunteer project to create a new space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices in an effort to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure.

The stories we’ve shared over the past two and a half years have served to not only raise awareness outside the community but also offer connection within the community, helping others to feel less alone.

Our sincere gratitude to every one of you — who read our stories, share our links, like our posts, and hit the follow buttons — for helping our publication grow, and an extra special thanks to the wonderful bi+ folx who share their stories with us.

We’re looking forward to amplifying many more Bi+/MSpec voices as we continue to grow. Learn how to share your story on Visible Bi+ by visiting the “SHARE YOUR STORY” tab on our homepage.

10 stories from the bi+ community on Visible Bi+:

Bi-ography: Chronicles of Living a Bisexual Life
by Amario Jones

Why I’m ‘Always’ Talking About Bisexuality (And You Should Too): Apparently, I am ‘always’ talking about bisexuality. Do I though?
by Anna Kochetkova

Why are Bisexual Men So Underrepresented ̶i̶n̶ ̶Q̶u̶e̶e̶r̶ ̶S̶p̶a̶c̶e̶s̶ Everywhere?: Historically, bisexual men get a bad rap all around.
by Casey Cannizzaro

I Thought Getting a Bi Pride Tattoo Would Help Bi Visibility: Six months later, I can’t say my bisexuality feels any less invisible.
by Elizabeth Joyce

Bad News, Bisexuals: We’ve Got An Image Problem: Specifically, what is our image?
by Ellis Morrow

If We Bi+ Humans Just Had a Better Publicist: The problem of bi+ visibility is complex and there won’t be simple solutions.
by Fritz (fzs)

All Eyes Are on Bi Buck from the TV Show 9–1–1: Many of us in the Bi+/MSpec community worry about the show playing into bisexual tropes
by Jeni Lynn Creswell

The Symbiosis of Personality, Interests, and Sexuality in a Bisexual Man: Bisexual identity can be as complex and diverse as the human race.
by Jose Feneque, DVM

Finding My Community: In the bi+ community, I’ve found where I belong.
by Michael Diamonds

“I Will Not Lie”: Lessons from A. Billy Jones-Hennin’s Legacy as a Black, Bisexual Man and LGBTQ Activist
by Ross Victory

Visible Bi+ is a space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices. We’re striving to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure. Join us and SHARE YOUR STORY!

You can help Visible Bi+ grow by following us on Medium, Instagram & Threads, and by subscribing to this Newsletter.

The Bi-Annual Visible Bi+ Newsletter was originally published in Visible Bi+ on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

While I am unsure whether everyone wants to be an ally, some basic care and compassion feel like a wonderful way to co-dwell in the community. And, as a loud and proud bisexual who loves to flaunt this part of myself, I often get to experience how people perceive me.

Sometimes when I disclose my sexuality I am met with the “I don’t care about what you do in the bedroom,” which is both puzzling (why wouldn’t you care — I am sexy beast!) and showing — it puts the speaker’s privilege and ignorance into a spotlight.

However, it seems, the light isn’t enough to illuminate the harm of such attitudes. Let me explain.

Similarly to the racist and misguided “I don’t see colour” comment, not caring about sexuality is only available to those who don’t experience discrimination and tend to ignore the challenges others may be facing. While I may not know what it feels like to be Black, trans or disabled I am perfectly capable of listening, learning, believing and validating other people’s experiences. Moreover, I deeply care about other people’s identities and experiences. I want to learn how they identify, how they perceive themselves and the world, and hear about their journey so far. But maybe that’s just me. Either way, not caring for someone’s sexuality isn’t a sign of progress or acceptance.

When (often people who identify as straight) tell me that they don’t care that I am bisexual or who I have sex with, I feel offended. And I want to tell you why. I also would love to hear what you think.

As mentioned above, “not caring” about sexuality is a privilege. However, it’s often presented as allyship. It is not. There is nothing inherently wrong with a privilege. All of us are born with some privilege. What is often wrong, or harmful, really, is the willing unawareness.

For example, I realise that, as a white, cis woman, I am comparatively safe when I speak up for people of colour and trans people. While I still receive a lot of hate (especially online) from other white people, I am often perceived as “one of them” and met with enough safety and respect. In fact, I entered and existed many heated conversations with people who yet wished to maintain our relationship. I know many Black and trans people who don’t receive the same treatment. Now that I am aware of my white privilege and the protection it grants me, I employ it as a foundation from which I continue having difficult conversations with other white people.

Another way “not caring” often serves as oppression rather than allyship wasn’t obvious to me for a while; however I felt the eek — it took me a moment to realise. For many of us, hearing about the lack of other people’s care feels like invalidation — as if our sexuality doesn’t matter or should be hidden away. Depending on the individual person’s journey to self acceptance and healing, our sexuality may be having a focal point or maybe doesn’t play as much of a role — either way, bisexuality matters, because we continue fighting for our right to exist. And when others don’t care, we don’t feel safe. I know, I don’t.

Finally, I want others to care and spend more time thinking and talking about sexuality and sex, specifically. I realise how prude many cultures are, forcing people to give up their freedoms in exchange for safety. I want to change that. And I believe that when we talk more about sexuality and sex we help normalise something that is perfectly normal already. Fear melts as more people get comfortable with the beauty of human diversity and stop giggling at the sight of the word “sex”.

Silence can kill. Conversations help find belonging, connect with like-minded people, learn good ideas… and change the world. Caring, or, at least, feeling curious, about other people’s experiences, especially people who are different from you can be a transformational experience for everyone involved.

Visible Bi+ is a space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices. We’re striving to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure. Join us and SHARE YOUR STORY!

“I Don’t Care if You are Bisexual” Isn’t Being an Ally was originally published in Visible Bi+ on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

And do you know why it matters to ‘always’ talk about it? Let’s explore.

It’s important to remember that generalisations like “always”, “everyone”, “all the time”, “never” (and some others) are often used with the intention to emphasise something but tend to detract from the ability to communicate effectively. While those words (and feelings attached) are real and valid, they aren’t true. Those words are often the language of an activated nervous system. It’s common for people to ask me “why are you talking about bisexuality all the time?” with a lot of frustration in their voice, which, of course, has nothing to do with me.

I don’t know why any particular people dislike me highlighting marginalised communities but I know that many of us experience systemic oppression daily and one way it tries to control us is via the common “why are you always talking about bisexuality?” accusation.

And it used to hurt me.

There was time when I’d genuinely question myself, feeling the weight of some else’s discomfort with my existence. On the millionth time of asking myself, I finally realised that those questions were not seeking my answers. They were intended to shut me up, intentionally or not.

Even most privileged people often embody and harbour oppression and bigotry, policing their own feelings and behaviours as well as others.

Of course, most straight people don’t ever have to “come out” or agonise in fear over being found out. They flaunt their sexuality daily and proudly, often unaware of their privilege — there is no threat to their wellbeing, their jobs or their lives. And they often have no idea that anyone else may be any different.

Not knowing, of course, doesn’t make it better. Neither does it justify their ignorance. However, realising it helped me stop looking at myself when accused of… I am going to call it My Bisexual Agenda.

Sometimes people are genuinely curious. And although it showcases their ignorance, they may be trying to understand. Those people would probably use different language. One can hope!

As a bi+ writer, reader, events host and activist, I indeed feel like my life is soaked in everything queer. And sometimes I am tired of myself. However, this is very different from those who have never investigated their own feelings, biases and experiences and are now confronted by my existence.

Almost every day, I am mislabeled and often misunderstood, showing me that queer is not a default way of being. Moreover, many of us are born into the cultures where we learn very quickly that straight is the preferred and often safe sexuality, sometimes even trying to be heterosexual. I love trying lives on. And that one didn’t fit me. Straight was certainly a phase for me but it has never been true.

In the title of this article, I included a “should” — something I strongly despise and rarely use. However, I am using this word here as a cry for attention and call to action. If you can, flaunt your sexuality, breaking down the dominant binary thinking and ideas, helping normalise human diversity. If you can, use the entire “bisexual” word instead of “bi”, helping normalise the word “sex” in many prude cultures around the world (especially here, in Australia). If you can, keep ‘always’ talking about your sexuality. If you can, share this article and keep having queer conversations until there isn’t a single human who finds our existence uncomfortable, controversial or weird.

USEFUL LINKS:

Sydney Bi+ Social Club Meetup

Sydney Bi+ Social Club Private Facebook Group

Sydney Bi+ Social Club Instagram

Bi & Prejudie (book) by Anna Kochetkova

Bi & Prejudice Instagram

Bi Collective Australia

Anna Kochetkova on YouTube

Anna Kochetkova on Bi Women Quarterly

More by Anna Kochetkova (COMING SOON)

Visible Bi+ is a space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices. We’re striving to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure. Join us and SHARE YOUR STORY!

Why I’m ‘Always’ Talking About Bisexuality (And You Should Too) was originally published in Visible Bi+ on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Two years ago, in March 2022, Visible Bi+ launched as a volunteer project to create a new space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices in an effort to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure.

The stories we’ve shared over the past two years have served to not only raise awareness outside the community but also offer connection within the community, helping others to feel less alone.

Our sincere gratitude to every one of you — who read our stories, share our links, like our posts, and hit the follow buttons — for helping our publication grow, and an extra special thanks to the wonderful bi+ folx who share their stories with us.

We’re looking forward to amplifying many more Bi+/MSpec voices as we continue to grow. Learn how to share your story on Visible Bi+ by visiting the “SHARE YOUR STORY” tab on our homepage.

10 stories from the bi+ community on Visible Bi+:

Unbound Affection: Beyond Labels: A Mother’s Unwavering Support for Her Unique Son
by Amario Jones

Still Bisexual: My life experiences add nuances to my sexuality. And I remain bisexual.
by Anna Kochetkova

I Was Diagnosed As Bipolar — But Really, I Was Just Bisexual: I’ll be the first to admit the title sounds ridiculous. Funny “bi” puns aside, how can anyone get these two things confused? Hear me out.
by Casey Cannizzaro

Wearing My Bi Pride on My Skin: For me, being visibly out is liberating. Empowering, even.
by Elizabeth Joyce

Bisexual Black Belts: A Fashion-Forward Proposal for Purity Politics
by Ellis Morrow

Does It Really Matter If My Therapist Knows I’m Bi+? YES!: We all need to talk about the elephant in the therapy room.
by Fritz (fzs)

My Bisexuality is an Everchanging Spectrum: It is always changing.
by John Caccaviello

Coming Out as Bi+ Later in Life: Bi erasure, section 28 and late-blooming queerness
by Julie Ann

Riding the Bi-Cycle Monogamously: When the bi-cycle hits hard, we explore it together.
by Michael Diamonds

All Roads Lead to Biphobia: Confronting Prejudice as a Bi Man: On The Crossroads of Hetero & Homonormativity
by Ross Victory

Visible Bi+ is a space for members of the Bi+/MSpec community to share their voices. We’re striving to increase authentic visibility and dispel the many misconceptions which fuel biphobia and bi-erasure. Join us and SHARE YOUR STORY!

You can help Visible Bi+ grow by following us on Medium, Instagram & Threads, and by subscribing to this Newsletter.

The Bi-Annual Visible Bi+ Newsletter was originally published in Visible Bi+ on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.